by Rhonda Velez
2020 was a year of forced stillness for many of us. The world slowed down, and we were all pushed to sit with our thoughts in ways we hadn’t before. For me, this meant spending a lot of time reflecting on what really mattered. I distinctly remember sitting at my desk, looking at the many trophies displayed on the shelves around me. These trophies symbolized the success I had achieved as a Sales Executive for a large corporate company. I had earned trips around the world, hit all the sales milestones, and racked up awards that most would dream of. Yet, despite these accomplishments, I felt empty.Â
I couldn’t figure out why the things that once gave me so much pride and satisfaction no longer mattered. As I sat there, I began to ask myself some tough questions. Why do I feel so unfulfilled? Why, after so many years of success, do I feel like I’m not enough? These questions led me on a journey of deep self-exploration. It was during this time that I stumbled across the concept of story work.
For those who may not be familiar, story work is the process of uncovering and understanding the experiences from our past, particularly in childhood and adolescence, that shape our identity and beliefs about ourselves. Our stories—the good, the painful, the unspoken—become the foundation for how we see ourselves and the world around us. When we dig into our stories, we start to see the roots of our behaviors, fears, and motivations.
As I began to unpack my own story, I discovered that a lot of my identity was tied to performance and acceptance. I had spent years believing that if I was the top salesperson, I was worthy of love and recognition. But the moment my numbers slipped or I wasn’t achieving as much, I felt invisible and worthless. My value was completely wrapped up in how well I performed, and it wasn’t just in my professional life—it seeped into how I interacted at home with my family as well.Â
This revelation was a turning point for me. I realized that my drive for success wasn’t just about ambition or love for my work; it was about proving my worth. And that’s a dangerous place to be. I began to acknowledge how this mindset was no longer serving me. It wasn’t just affecting my work; it was affecting how I showed up as a wife and mom. I was constantly striving to be perfect, trying to do it all, and feeling like I was failing every time I fell short of an unrealistic expectation.
Through story work, I was able to identify the beliefs that needed to be challenged. At work, this meant setting boundaries and saying "no" to projects or goals that didn’t align with my values or my well-being. I no longer chased achievements for the sake of external validation. Instead, I began to focus on doing work that I genuinely loved. And at home, I set boundaries that allowed us to thrive as a family, rather than just survive the chaos of everyday life.
This work wasn’t easy, but it was transformative. I’m still highly motivated, but I’m no longer driven by a need for trophies or recognition. I do what I do because I love it, not because I need to prove myself. As a wife and mom, I’ve learned to let go of the pressure to be perfect and instead focus on being present. I’ve found joy in the simple moments with my family, no longer weighed down by unrealistic expectations.
Why Story Work Matters
Story work is so powerful because it helps us see the unconscious patterns that drive our decisions and emotions. When we understand our story, we gain insight into why we react a certain way, why we feel the need to prove ourselves, or why we struggle with specific challenges. It gives us the tools to change the narrative and to live in a way that aligns with our true values and desires—not someone else’s expectations.
Understanding my story has empowered me to become a better version of myself. It’s helped me break free from the chains of performance-based identity and step into a life where I am valued for who I am, not what I do. Story work is important because it allows us to heal old wounds, rewrite harmful beliefs, and ultimately live more fulfilling, authentic lives. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why you feel stuck, it might be time to dig into your own story and discover the freedom that comes with understanding where you’ve been—and where you’re going.
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