Inspiration from Before the Common Era

By Blake Estape, L.Ac. Dipl.O.M.  

Traditional Chinese Medicine Physician

I decided what to do with my life while face down, bristling with needles.

At 17 years old I had the neck of an old man. I could hardly move, and I was getting constant headaches. All through my teens I was shy, anxious, and passive-aggressive. I isolated myself inside, playing video games at the expense of almost everything else. The lack of movement and constant tension caused my muscles to lock up.

I didn’t have any serious prospects for a career. I worked as a food runner and my coworkers were as annoyed with me as I was with the job. Frankly, there wasn’t much about my life that I liked. But as anyone who has been in this situation knows, discomfort breeds change. I was open to something drastic.

It started with a book on Chinese philosophy I found in my parents’ library – something I randomly plucked out one day. Lao zi’s Dao De Jing immediately grabbed me, inspiration from two thousand years ago. I internalized its lessons of adaptability, humility and compassion, and put them into practice. Through kung fu and tai chi, I gradually unlocked my muscles. At the same time, I was being treated with acupuncture, and that’s when I made up my mind. I was going to move to China and become a traditional Chinese medicine physician.

It was a ludicrous thought for an anxious 20 year-old. I didn’t know Chinese, I hadn’t prepared at all for the move – I just did it. Bold action is easier for the young, before we consider consequences. Cheered on by my family, I put aside my fear and moved to Shijiazhuang.

That’s not a recognizable name, I’m sure. It’s not Beijing, Shanghai or Hong Kong. When I moved there in 2005, foreigners were a rare sight. I had to mime to order food because English wasn’t widely spoken. Circumstances had become so radically different that I was forced to adapt.

Over ten years I had the opportunity to redefine who I was. I went from anxious and anti-social to teaching classes of 20-30 students. I had photo shoots with police captains, dinners with local gangsters, did voice acting for children’s books, and interned in one of the province’s best hospitals. I was thriving.

When I came back home to Miami, all that old fear and insecurity would be waiting for me. I had to confront the ghost of my old self, while starting over at 30 in a city that was drastically different. Standing out was easy in China, but coming back to Miami I was just another face again. It was the inverse of when I’d left, but the opportunity to choose who I would be was the same.

I remembered the person I had built. It gave me the confidence to open my own clinic in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. That bold, enthusiastic version of myself continues to help me through challenges every day. I had to go to the other side of the planet to find him, and I’m so grateful I did.

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