by Laurel Makowem
CFEI + Financial Coach for Women at Mothers Teaching Money
Up until my mid-40s, I subconsciously believed that because I was a female, I was incapable of taking care of myself financially and had to rely on a husband. It’s not that anyone taught me this; it was just how a little girl made sense of what she saw and experienced. These beliefs became my truth. To me, they were facts and determined every choice I made and the direction my life took. I longed to feel smart, rather than just a pretty, sweet girl excelling at ballet. I never felt good enough.
This, combined with the money story I learned, told me I wasn’t capable of much, let alone getting a meaningful job, earning well, building wealth, or having what I desired. When my parents divorced, my mom was left with very little money, security, or confidence. Her choices were limited, and she felt her only option was to marry again for financial security for her girls. Watching her struggle, always trying to do what he wanted her to do with the ‘allowance’ he gave her, was soul-destroying.
When I started earning, I lived paycheck to paycheck, wracked up credit card debt, and spent mindlessly. I never asked for a wage increase or even spoke up if I felt my pay slip was incorrect. Investing was not an option because, in my family, only men invested. If a woman wanted to join the discussion, she was dismissed with condescending looks or told to "go chat with the girls."
Thankfully, I married a man who made good financial choices and didn’t use money as a form of control. Regardless, I still always felt uneasy around money and would literally remove myself from any conversations involving finances or business.
Fast forward to age 48. My precious child was eight, and we had emigrated to New Zealand. I finally had the opportunity to start healing from my dark years of post-traumatic stress and depression, which started after a violent gun-related hijacking at age 25. I had also lost many babies during 10 years of infertility.
As I was healing, I realized I had stopped learning and growing. All my energy had been focused on keeping my child safe and alive. In my severely disturbed mind, ‘they’ (the hijackers) were going to kidnap or kill him, or he was going to die like the babies I had lost. I wanted my child to receive a financial education, but I couldn’t give it to him, which felt awful. I asked my husband to do it. A few months in, I decided it wasn’t working and it was up to me.
And so began my financial empowerment journey. I enrolled in a six-week investing course. Nervous as anything, I attended the first lecture. I was the only woman in the class, and it seemed like everyone was asking intelligent questions I couldn’t even understand. With great relief, I realized I had signed up for an intermediate class, not beginners.
I continued trying to learn about investing but didn’t feel confident enough to actually start. I tried to budget and save but failed so many times I gave up on that as well. Most weeks, I forgot to give my child his allowance and often raided his piggy bank.
And then something clicked—if I wanted to change my external environment, I had to change my internal one first. I had to commit to doing the inner work. This led to years of digging deep, uncovering my limiting money beliefs, and replacing them with facts.
I started teaching my child what I was learning. For the first time, I made major financial decisions with my husband and initiated money conversations with friends and family. I realized many mothers were in a similar situation to where I had been, simply because they had never been taught.
As I transformed from scarcity and self-doubt to growth and self-love, I started to believe in my capabilities. I was able to implement what I was learning and finally make changes. I stopped mindless emotional shopping, and retail therapy became a distant memory. I had so much more time to spend doing things I loved and that lit me up.
I fell in love with values-based budgeting and, for the first time, had peace of mind with an emergency fund. Most exciting was opening a brokerage account for myself and my son and making our first investments. Looking back, I can see how many opportunities I let slip by me simply because of what I believed I wasn’t capable of.
Almost more exciting than making that first investment was realizing the limiting money beliefs were not just about money—they sat under every struggle I had. They just manifested in different ways. I began healing on every level of my being.
I stopped abusing myself and my body. I became stronger, more confident, and started to seek out more joy. For the first time, I saw myself as worthy with amazing gifts to share. I could hold financial and other boundaries and started taking calculated risks. Some scared the living daylights out of me, but it all felt like healing rather than failure.
I started a business helping other mothers on their financial empowerment journeys, helping them see themselves as capable financial role models for their children. Financial empowerment isn’t just about money—it’s about claiming your worth, discovering your gifts, and sharing them with the world.
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