Aspiring to Perfection?
- Mar 5
- 3 min read
By Maria Jane
What does your idea of success look like? Do you, or did you, have a picture of your perfect future life? Perhaps this vision includes a well-paying job, house in a good neighborhood, two cars in the garage, a picture-perfect partner at the barbecue grill, and kids, one boy and one girl, of course, running through a sprinkler in the backyard.
As a young adult I created a well-defined and specific idea of what success would look like. It meant going to a good college, getting the best grades, graduating at the top of my class, landing a Fortune 100 company job, meeting the perfect mate, getting married, and having a family.
And this plan included a timeline.
I needed to graduate by twenty-two, get married by twenty-four, and have a child by twenty-six, while continuing to perform well at work. So, when I became depressed my sophomore year of college and needed to leave school to take care of my mental and physical health, everything felt like it was crashing in around me. How could I ever get back on track?
Leaving school felt like failure. But as I reflected on my journey and the effort it took for me to achieve in that environment, I realized it wasn’t the right place for me.
I took a semester off, applied to a different university, found a job in the field I thought I might want to work in, and re-started my education. It took two years longer to finish, but I graduated with honors and acceptance into the graduate program of my choice.
What I learned through experiencing a mental health crisis, and more importantly recovery, is that I’d been placing importance on the wrong things. Material successes didn’t bring me joy. People didn’t connect with me because of my accolades. Simply being human, with flaws and feelings, garnered friendships. In this state of grace, I became aware that achievement can take many different forms. I didn’t have to graduate at a certain time or from the perfect school. There was no timeline for life.
These ideas prompted me to write, Perfect, a romance, of sorts, which features a character at different stages of her new adult life from college to thirty. She navigates life and romantic choices in alternate versions of her journey, each of which could be perfect. Should she stay in her hometown and marry her high school sweetheart? Is he holding her back? Perhaps attending the fashion school she’s always dreamed of is the right path. Is being close to her single mother more important? Each scenario sees her making different choices that all lead to happily-ever-afters.
Each book in the Perfect romance series features a different character spreading their wings after college, finding their right path and person. I wanted to give examples of women not bound to a specific perfect ideal future, women who gave themselves grace. They are intentional. They evaluate their lives and make the right choice for themselves. They discover, not always in a perfect way, what is truly important. They ask themselves: What makes me happy?
I’ve also found that my profession doesn’t need to define my life. Sometimes working to live rather than living for work is a worthwhile endeavor. And for me, this balance changed over time. As I began my career, a job took center stage. But even with a successful position I loved, I wanted to stay home with my children. I counted myself lucky to have been able to parent my kids in that way. When they became school age, I started a business that allowed me to have a flexible schedule. And as my kids grew, so did my now two businesses.
Perhaps your career is your passion and giving your all fulfills you. But maybe your job supports other passions like a flexible schedule to volunteer at the senior center or time for creative outlets, hobbies, or activities. Embracing the person you are can lead to creative ideas for building your perfection.
No matter your stage in life, ponder your future and picture what brings you joy. Brainstorm ideas for achieving this ideal. Your path may look different than you imagined as a younger self and it’s probably not going to be perfect. But if you stay true to your ideals and goals it may be perfect for you.
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