At 14 “Quit” was all I wanted-Years Later, I Chose Life.”
- Oct 1
- 3 min read
By Patricia (Trish) Heitz
At fourteen, I chose death.
I swallowed a handful of pills, convinced I was too awkward, too ugly, too different to ever belong. But God, or the universe, clearly had another plan for me. I survived. I woke up many days later, still here. My friends never spoke of it, but they stayed close. Their quiet acceptance carried me forward. At the time, I didn’t understand why I was still alive. Only later would I see it as the beginning of a very different plan for my life.
For years afterward, I tolerated life. I stumbled through jobs I hated. I tried to find love but ended up heartbroken and pregnant, rejected by both my partner and my family. I became a single mother, determined to raise my daughter, but survival was brutal. I went hungry so she could eat. At the grocery store, I counted pennies, humiliated when I had to put food back. My meals were crackers and cheese, my body worn thin with worry and exhaustion.
But I endured. I didn’t quit. Because I couldn’t quit; I had another life now, depending on me.
When a friend insisted I interview for a job in radio advertising, I thought it was ridiculous. I knew nothing about media. But she wouldn’t let me give up. I got the job, discovered strength I didn’t know I had, and within three years, I went from near-starvation to buying a home for my daughter and me. I thought, finally, all the difficult challenges of life were over.
But those dark beliefs that led me toward choosing death when I was fourteen were not finished with me.
After marrying my husband and welcoming our son, I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. The prognosis was grim. Kidney cancer is often fatal, and my children were still so young. This time, quitting wasn’t just an option; it was expected.
But now I had a beautiful life to live for: my children, my husband, my happiness. This was different. This was worth fighting for.
For the first time, I realized resilience wasn’t about gritting my teeth and tolerating pain. It was about choosing to live fully. It meant looking at the root of my struggles, not just enduring them. Through studying the mind-body connection, I uncovered a painful truth: the negative beliefs I had carried since childhood: unworthiness, rejection, shame, had never left me. They had been festering silently, shaping every challenge I faced until they showed up as disease in my body.
This time, I did the deeper work. I discovered, dismantled, and released those beliefs. I created new ones that aligned with healing, strength, and purpose.
That was twenty-three years ago. I was told I would never be cured. Yet here I am, cancer-free and thriving.
My story began with a choice for death that wasn’t mine to keep. Life had other plans until I could grow strong enough to make the choice myself, to say yes to life, no matter how hard it seemed.
Today, I share that choice with others. As a Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach, I guide people through their own belief breakthroughs, helping them release the unconscious patterns that hold them back and discover the power they already carry within.
I know now that resilience isn’t just about refusing to quit. It’s about finally deciding to live.
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