Becoming an Unstoppable Woman
- Apr 7
- 3 min read
By Sara Macke
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Mental Health Therapist
Once I truly realized that the only way to deserve respect was to stop dimming myself, I quickly shifted gears. Growing up, I tried to ensure I was aware of everyone else’s moods. Hyperawareness was my specialty. I probably thought it was even a strength, but boy was it exhausting. I wanted to adjust myself if needed, use humor where identified, and be ready to help when someone needed something. However, when you realize the only one suffering is yourself, you have to stop. Running on this road of human interaction is not a long term solution. It is not sustainable. And it does not increase your self-worth. It took until my 30s to recognize I was hiding in the shadows of ensuring everyone else was okay and that I did not need to be hyper alert all of the time. Looking back, the joke was on me. I was dimmed for a while. Hella dimmed if you really look deep. Oh to be an elder now, wanting so badly to ask the younger version of myself “girl, how do you really feel though?” On that note, truthfully, when was the last time you asked yourself that simple but powerful question?
This is not a journey easily identified and it is sometimes impossible to recognize on your own. I knew something felt off and I knew I was not happy. I wondered why my relationships were easily disposable. I did not understand why shame was returning as a result of disappointment. Having utilized therapy in the past, I knew it was time to do some real self-discovery and learn to be vulnerable. Being shielded is not a flex. Going to therapy and trusting someone to call out your behaviors is great and hard…and necessary. Having a space to express your fears, while also challenging you to stop avoiding them is so important. Once the observations are made and the awareness starts building, now you get to test out these new skills. And that is when the magic really happens. Before therapy, I would have probably said that becoming a mother made me reclaim my power. Which in some way…maybe it did, but I think that could have just been another thing to hide behind.
In order to lead unapologetically, women have to shed our armor. Defense mechanisms, default coping skills, flawed communication strategies…we need to build that confidence from the inside. Otherwise, we are only hiding behind faulty shields, or powering ourselves using faulty wires. Cracks will show, errors will shine, and people will recognize the inauthenticity. The only way to grow is to become vulnerable, uncomfortable, and raw. Women need a space to peel back that bandaid and heal what has been hiding inside of our wounds. And we need it nonjudgmentally. Historically, women are shushed, naturally dimmed, and assumed to be “too much.” We become flexible in ways that take away our confidence and power. We learn to extend ourselves in ways that take away our energy. We compromise and brush off issues that may actually matter.
Therapy, reflection, and ongoing processing to check in with ourselves and hold ourselves accountable, that is where energy deserves to be focused. Once we start zooming out on what is unhealthy in our lives, we start to become healthy on the inside. Unstoppable means resilient, powerful, challenging, and fierce. All words that women ALREADY are from the start. Own it. Believe it. Learn it. Live it. Oh, and also, do not be surprised if your relationships change entirely after you stop dimming yourself. Many people do not like when you change.
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