Becoming Bold Without Apology
By Brenita Seay
Licensed Professional Counselor
I wasn’t born into the world as a permission seeker; so, I can’t say that I have walked in those shoes; however, I can empathize. Family, friends and different life experiences helped reassure me that I don’t have to have anyone else’s approval to be happy, successful or to make my mark in the world. Now I understand that there is privilege in the freedom to naturally think this way and even have the resources and support early on and throughout my life to help reassure this type of thinking and confidence in myself. But I believe that even if you weren’t afforded this privilege, or it wasn’t cultivated to be strong in you, this ability to grasp the concept of being aware of others but not care what they think can help tremendously with releasing permission seeking.
As important as it is to care about the world and the people around you, not holding yourself to the standard of caring, what others think and have to say to me is one of the most important things when you are looking to stop seeking permission, because it helps release the pressure of performing disingenuously for others.
Also humanizing people as individuals whose lives also ebb and flow vs putting people on pedestals can help make level the “playing field” so you don’t feel judged all the time by someone who has the same potential as you to make mistakes.
To reclaim confidence after setbacks, you should give yourself a moment to step back from the situation and accept what happened, by being honest about the things you truly could and could not control. Be honest about where you may have dropped the ball and accept that this is a individual situation or action, and not the whole of you as a person (which means this can be improved, it’s not the end of the world). Identify a way to address whatever needs improvement and work toward improvement. If things can’t be improved with the variables in play, then pivot or return to the initial plan of action and try again. Reducing the idea of perfectionism can assist with the learning process and acceptance of failure.
It is important to identify for yourself what makes the world you live in better, safer, happier, etc., based on your healthy ethical and moral principles as a guide. Be sure to include yourself in this worldview thought, to ensure that you can remain connected, honest, present and intentional with why you are no longer seeking permission.
Take inventory of the strengths of your personality characteristics, to act toward validating your world according to what aligns with you. Make sure that you do self-introspection and have sound people that you trust to tell you the truth about how you’re showing up whether good, bad or indifferent.
Once you get your rhythm with this repeat for various situations and with different people to ensure that a system of positive and confident thinking becomes innate to you and prepares you to become a bold leader.
Bold leadership looks like confidence to be yourself and trust your decision making. It looks like being able to accept constructive criticism and being open-minded to differences of opinions and perspectives for growth. It looks like accepting that you are not always the “smartest” or most experienced person in every room, but still a strong person in your own right. It looks like the ambition to grow, change and flourish!
Connect With Brenita
Instagram: @EAcounseling_consulting
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