Becoming Bold Without Apology
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
By Shelley Goldstein
Leadership Development Coach & Author
“Sit in the back, not at the table, because women just take up space.” That’s what Karen Lynch, then a mid-level manager joining senior leaders in the boardroom, was told. At first, she felt apologetic. Then she realized, if she’d been called into that meeting, it was her space too. From that moment forward, she didn’t hold back. She spoke up often. She advocated. She contributed. Years later, on her first day as CEO of CVS Health, she wore a T-shirt that said, “Taking Up Space.”
I want you to sit with that concept, taking up space, because many of us have been trained to do the opposite. We learn to be agreeable, grateful for the invitation, careful not to be “too much.” And then we wonder why our ideas don’t land with conviction.
Bold leadership is not talking more or raising the volume. Bold leadership is disciplined and intentional. It is knowing when to speak, what to stand for, and how to hold the room long enough for your message to register.
I learned this the hard way.
I was five minutes into a presentation that could have changed the trajectory of an organization when I realized the room wasn’t listening. I was presenting a major partnership opportunity. Two people broke into a side conversation. I stopped mid-sentence and apologized. They kept talking. I apologized again. Feeling the weight of my apology, I hesitated, and I did not fully present the opportunity.
Days later, I found out another company secured the deal. When I brought it up, the CEO told me he didn’t see the significance because I appeared doubtful.
That was my wake-up call. My apology didn’t just diminish my words, it shrank my presence. It cost me my ability to hold the room and the deal.
There are legitimate reasons to be apologetic. But if you’re looking at your notes, you forget a statistic, or you’re dealing with an interruption, there’s no need to apologize. If you didn’t hurt anyone, what are you apologizing for?
This is where self-trust restores conviction. If you apologize for taking up space, you are reinforcing the belief that your voice is negotiable and your message can be minimized.
Self-trust is not built when everything goes smoothly, it’s built when it doesn’t. It is the ability to remain present when things get messy. It is the decision to keep your seat at the table even when someone else tries to move you to the back of the room.
Reclaiming conviction in your thoughts starts with the story your mind wants to run when pressure hits. Judgment narrates: I wasn’t clear enough, tough enough, polished enough. But what I learned: my self-talk may not be true. That reframe changes everything from getting out of my head and into the room, back into service, back into purpose, back into the reason I opened my mouth in the first place.
When you’re stuck in self-protection, your voice narrows. When you reframe toward service, your voice opens. Stop focusing on how you feel about what you have to do as a leader, and shift your focus to how you can help others. Your audience is there to hear what you’ve experienced. They want you to share your knowledge.
Bold leadership today is not performative. It is grounded. It is holding silence without rushing to fill it. It is being interrupted and staying anchored to your message. It is owning your ideas and owning your mistakes without collapsing into apology.
That is self-trust in action. And it is how you become bold without asking anyone for permission.
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