by Norma O’Kelly
Burnout isn't just about how hard your work is or your personal shortcomings. It’s connected to our family histories, our need to belong, our pursuit of authenticity, and the roles we take on in life. By exploring the ‘why’ through systemic coaching and family constellations, you can uncover the roots of your burnout. Time to start moving towards sustainable well-being.
We often hear about self-care and techniques to avoid burnout, but these can fall short . It can feel like we’re putting a temporary band-aid on the problem, not addressing what started the fire in the first place.
My own journey with burnout taught me this lesson the hard way. I’ve dealt with aggressive endometriosis and many surgeries, and each time I went into a burnout. These experiences pushed me into months of rest and recovery. I had been over-giving in every area of my life. Though I started to learn about self-care, it was only scratching the surface. The real issue was that my balance of give-and-take was completely off.
Growing up in Ireland, where women are the backbone of the family, I inherited a mindset of over-giving. There’s a strong thread of Catholic guilt that says anything less is sinful. My mother’s measure of a woman’s success was how well she kept her home and how generous she was to her neighbours. I took on these ideals, often without realising it. Putting everyone else’s needs ahead of my own became my default.
It wasn’t until I began training in family systems and coaching constellations that I started to see these patterns emerge. Where I took on roles that weren’t mine. I was often playing bigger than my true size. I was parenting when I should have been a child.
Burnout, when viewed through a systemic lens, isn’t one person’s problem. It’s a signal that something deeper is out of balance in the whole system—whether that’s in your family, team, or organisation.
When we start to see burnout this way, it becomes clear that it’s a symptom of hidden dynamics. You’re taking on too much because you feel a deep need to belong or stay loyal to something bigger than yourself. Or you’ve fallen into a role that isn’t sustainable, whether at home or work. That overwhelming sense of responsibility? It might not even be yours to carry.
These patterns could come from your family or shaped by the culture of your organisation. Often, you’re not even aware of how these forces are influencing you. But once you bring these hidden dynamics to light, with the help of a systemic coach, you can start to make real changes. You can rebalance your roles and responsibilities, letting go of what’s not yours and finding new, healthier ways to engage with your system.
Tools like constellations are powerful here. They help you map out what’s going on, see where the energy is stuck, and understand why certain patterns keep repeating. With this understanding comes hope—hope that you can create a new way forward that not only prevents burnout but also brings more balance, ease, and sustainability to your life and work.
When you start to shift these dynamics, it’s like lifting a weight you didn’t even realise you were carrying. The potential for healing and growth is immense. By acknowledging and working with these deeper forces, you create space to thrive, not just survive.
Podcast: 'Beyond the Norm' www.open.spotify.com/show/2BzwxXl4DNEEPdqzsBvbGe
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