From Shame to Spotlight: My Journey From Self-Destruction to Service
- Aug 8, 2025
- 3 min read
By Martha A. Burich M.Ed
There was a time in my life when I couldn’t even say hello without panic. I mean that literally. I would rehearse a simple greeting in my head over and over, only to walk past someone in silence because my anxiety had me frozen. I was so afraid of being wrong, of being judged, of not measuring up. I didn’t know then that fear had a name: shame. And it ran my life.
As a young woman, I had potential, but I didn’t believe in it. I buried it instead, under perfectionism, people-pleasing, and eventually alcohol. I was kicked out of two colleges. Not because I wasn’t smart, I was, but because I was drowning in fear and didn’t know how to ask for help. I numbed my insecurities with drinking, stayed quiet when I should’ve spoken up, and let shame shape my decisions. And for a while, I stayed there: stuck, small, and silent.
But here’s the thing about rock bottom: if you survive it, you can build something real from the wreckage.
And I did.
I stopped drinking completely. I got honest about who I was and what I’d been hiding from. I clawed my way back, first to sobriety, then to self-respect, then to service. I went back to school and earned my master’s degree. I became a child psychology professor. Then I taught high school special education for sixteen years: teaching biology, teaching behavior, teaching kids that they mattered. Because I knew what it felt like to think you didn’t.
At age 54, after 25 years of marriage, my husband died suddenly.Just three weeks after his cancer diagnosis. That grief could’ve taken me out. Instead, it became fuel. I realized life is short and unforgiving. If I was going to do something meaningful, I had to do it now.
So I wrote the book I wish I had as a young mom: Yes You Can Raise Happy Responsible Children. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present. Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup for the Soul endorsed it. That gave me credibility. But my real confidence came from knowing the book works. Because it’s based on everything I’ve lived, taught, and witnessed over decades.
Today, I teach parenting classes on Zoom. I run sobriety workshops. I visit jails and treatment centers every week to help addicts and alcoholics. People the world often gives up on. I don’t. I sit with them in the truth.
I share my story. I show them there’s another way. I don’t come from theory: I come from experience. And people know the difference.
I also speak at conferences and summits. And yes, I often get standing ovations, not because I sugarcoat anything, but because I tell the truth with love. That’s what unstoppable looks like to me now: telling the truth, even when your voice shakes. Showing up when it’s hard. Living with purpose, not performance.
To the younger version of me, the girl curled up in shame, convinced she had nothing to offer, I’d say this:
Don’t give up. The pain you’re drowning in is the very thing that will turn into your message, your mission, and your power. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be real.
I’m not fearless. But I am unshakable. Because I’ve faced down the things that once broke me, and used them as bricks to build something better.
That’s what it means to go from shame to spotlight. And I’m just getting started.
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