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She Rises Studios

Grief is NOT a Dirty Word

by Paula J. Roscoe


The word "death" conjures fear and is often spoken in whispers. Some in society are terrified of it, while others celebrate it, but when it occurs, it can leave us feeling confused, scared, and irrational. We question our sanity as we grapple with the devastation it brings to our minds, bodies, and spirits.


"Death comes to us all," says the princess in Braveheart. It is the undeniable truth of life. Depending on beliefs, it may be seen as an end or a new beginning, but grief is inevitable for all of us. Who would choose to embrace it?


Grief is a dark presence that enters our lives uninvited, lingering until we find the strength to push it back into the shadows. Each loss can trigger different feelings, sometimes stronger, sometimes easier to manage, leading to confusion, guilt, and shame. Why didn't I cry as much this time? Why is the pain worse now? Why am I not ‘getting over it’ like the woman down the road who seems ‘fine’?


In my work with clients, I emphasize the power of words. What you say to yourself shapes your reality. While grief may feel permanent, humans have a remarkable capacity to heal and find life again when they are ready. It may not be perfect, especially after a traumatic loss, but it can be fulfilling if you work through the grief and emotions, rediscover your worth, and find self-love. 


Once you become conscious that you are just as important as the person who died, you realise your value and yes, this may bring many sticky feelings that are uncomfortable and right there is your starting point to begin your healing back to yourself.


All feelings and reactions to death are valid and deserve recognition. They may not always be understood but should not be dismissed. A peaceful death for one may be traumatic for another, highlighting the unique nature of grief. Comparing your reactions to another is one of the biggest mistakes I see time and time again. Nobody grieves the same way because each person is trying to avoid grief differently. To turn and face your enemy is difficult, but it must be done so you can come back to life and be in charge of your own future instead of letting it fester within and dictate your life.


Society must acknowledge that grief is a wound and it takes time, patience, love and understanding to allow it to heal completely. Unfortunately, many employers expect employees to return to normal immediately after a family death, and as people often compare grief reactions, the expectations can be extremely implausible.


"It's been two months; why are you still grieving? Maggie down the road returned to work two weeks after her husband's death."


I hear variations of this story too often.


Understanding grief requires empathy and open discussions about death, wills, and funeral wishes. Only then can we lessen the fear, guilt, and shame associated with death and grief, fostering compassion and understanding for this universal experience.


With love,

Paula


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