MY LIFE
Curious what I discovered during “life changing” coaching experiences and how it influenced my life? Little spoiler: this is not a ‘happy ending story’. Not yet.
Having a wonderful ‘normal’ life I always wondered why I was never really happy. No matter what, there was always this little dark and sad spot somewhere inside me. Always felt like something is missing, always waiting and looking for this ‘special something’, just not knowing what it was and no idea how to find out.
At 42 years old I was diagnosed with breast-cancer. A life threatening shock it was. But: I wasn’t scared of dying. I’d rather found it to be sort of ok and relieving (not in a suicidal way). The only thing I really cared about was not leaving my kids ‘alone’. Convinced that every illness got its reason, I wanted to find out why my body would become so sick? I did not only do all the usual medical treatments required but also decided to go to a hypnosis therapist to find out more.
MY COACHING EXPERIENCES
That one was my first ‘life changing’ experience: It took me two intense hypnosis sessions to find out, that my cancer wanted me to finally start to life my life AND I got in touch with my inner ‘light’ for the first time and felt that I am indeed a self-loving human being! Deeply surprised and happy I started to do personal growth work.
Everything I tried helped a bit. But still I felt like not living my life to the fullest, not living my potential. And still I felt this little sad spot inside. No meditation, no positive thinking, no hypnosis could take that away. I admit: reading all these ‘personal-growth work success stories’ of people fundamentally changing their life after experiencing similar situations left me sad and frustrated. No matter how hard I worked on healing my inner child, changing old beliefs etc.: my life and I just stayed the same.
Fast forward to my second experience: I knew Sylvia Becker-Hill from a professional coaching I got from her. Then I read about her Prosperity Life Implementation Program and instantly booked a call. After that, I was more than convinced to invest into myself by booking this special coaching with her. I wanted to take 100% responsibility for my life!
The second ‘life changing’ experience I made in my first session then. Sylvia professionally helped me to go one step deeper into my subconscious. I finally found out why I always felt so awkward: I never wanted to be born! And I came in touch with my ‘Authentic Self’ (that’s how Sylvia calls it) and felt again, that I am Light and Love like we all are!
The following 90 days in this coaching process were like a rollercoaster trip! My old ‘Masked Self’ which has accompanied and protected me my whole life held on to me. More than once I wanted to ‘give up’ and just stay in my ‘golden cage’. Sylvia always helped me through. After a few weeks I noticed a well-known feeling again: my underlying sadness. It was still there, patiently sitting and waiting for me to notice. Now that was frustrating! Imagine you experience and feel your own greatness and beauty two times in your life, you find your ‘Authentic Self’ but still feel like you are unable to BE and FEEL happy! Complaining about feeling stuck in my process, about how little seemed to have changed and that I’m scared to fail in the end Sylvia guided me through another session using EFT (emotional freedom technique).
Following her professional intuition, she then asked a simple question which hit my heart: are you a womb twin survivor? My body reacted immediately, I bursted into tears and I ‘knew’ this was right! We were triplets in my mum’s womb. I was shocked AND happy at the same time. And believe it or not: after that session, my lifelong sadness was gone for good! Soon I started grieving, a natural process when you find out such a fundamental fact about yourself. I should not have been ‘alone’ but accompanied by a sister and a brother. I started to do some research about the vanishing twin syndrome and found websites and books about that Phenomenon. Here are just a few examples of how I have felt all my life, maybe you find yourself in some of them as well!?:
-Something missing (which is rather ‘someone missing’)
-Feeling rejected and abandoned (even though so many people loved me)
-Unrealised potential and self-sabotaging behaviour (always felt like ‘I could be more’)
-Yearning (for s. o. or s. th., you never really know)
-Torn in two (i. e. between two decisions)
-Feeling sad (despite all the efforts I made to heal myself)
-Low self-esteem (being unworthy of anything)
MY STRUGGLE(S)
Going through this process, I often thought: right, I found out all I need about myself, I’m healed, everything will become better, I will take 100% responsibility. Happy end!
As I mentioned above: that hasn’t happened so far. Sometimes I manage to connect to my Authentic Self and of course, I am more than happy to know what ‘my essence’ is! But still, more often than I like, I’m stuck in struggles, running the old negative paths in my brain, self-sabotage habits kicking in and I lose touch with my feelings and return to my head. But I also know solving these things by ‘thinking’ will lead me nowhere. So I keep learning to FEEL and connect with my body as it holds a lot of wisdom. You might think now: well, if it’s not a happy-ending story, what’s the use? I wanted to share my story (which is cut very short and I’m not a professional writer) for those, who probably blame themselves when they feel like they are not successful enough with their own process. Be gentle to yourself! Find yourself s. o. who, like in my case, enables you to look at blind spots and supports you through rough times.
In hard times I try to remind myself: “Resistance is an invitation for growth.”
And as Sylvia taught me: “Growth needs time, space, investment and support!”
My advice? No matter how hard it seems and how often you are stuck, just remember: “you are an immense powerful energetic being in a human body”. (S. Becker-Hill) And know: “You are 100% the creator of your reality”. It might not feel like it, for me it often doesn’t. But I know that this is the truth and want to live it.
So, giving up isn’t an option. I will keep going, no matter how hard and tearful the journey might be.
I still invest in myself and therefore also book coaching sessions with Sylvia Becker-Hill. And I would always highly recommend her to anybody who is looking for a super-coach who gives you time, space and support with high-professional tools, personality, empathy and little extra wow! (unpaid advertisement)
If you want to know more and probably have some questions or just want to get in touch with me, I’d be happy if you contact me!
Yours
Henrike CONNECT WITH HENRIKE: www.linkedin.com/in/henrike-loh-01b22b1bb
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