Having It All Starts With Having All of Yourself

1 day ago
3 min read

By Sarah Shahi

As we enter the season of giving, the season of gratitude and panic ordering elf pajamas on Amazon, I’m reminded of what I thought gratitude looked like.

In my mind, it was me, lounging on a beach, romance novel on my chest, hot chiseled abs (not mine) glistening somewhere nearby, and a mai tai sweating in the corner. #Grateful.

That was the dream, the Instagram-filtered version of “having it all.”

But somewhere along the way, that dream turned into a checklist.

Marriage? Check.

Kids? Check.

Career? Check.

Happy? No check.

Somewhere between drop-offs, deadlines, and trying to remember the last time I shaved my legs, I realized: I buried myself underneath the needs of everyone else. Is this what “ having it all” looks like? #Grateful? How can I have it all if I don’t even have myself?

I gave the performance of a lifetime, gracefully shrinking into everyone else’s story but my own. Then I played Billie in Sex/Life, and something cracked open. On screen, she was exploring desire and questioning her “what ifs.” Off-screen? So was I. Billie was messy, raw, honest—and for the first time in a long time, I saw myself in her. What if I had the courage to act as my true self?

Call it method acting.

Call it waking up.

Either way, it finally got real.

Now? It’s me in sweatpants, unbrushed hair, holding a lukewarm coffee (legs are still unshaven) while my kids tell me to stop dancing so violently to Teddy Swims’ Bad Dreams (Rude, but I get it, my arms do get a little carried away).

Some days I nail it. Other days, the struggle becomes too overwhelming. The mess becomes too messy, and I cry in the car instead. But that’s still something to be grateful for because showing up, even in pieces, is still showing up.

But here’s what no one talks about: having it all doesn’t come from having more. It comes from being more you. The real you, the one who’s messy and magic.

It’s having a full day between drop-offs and pick-ups, doctor’s appointments, baseball practice, and dance class, then being too tired to cook, so everyone eats cereal on the couch and watches Real Steel for the 400th time.

Should you bitch about the exhausting parts? Absolutely.

But should you also be grateful for them? Absolutely.

Be grateful for having the guts to show up exactly as you are. It’s putting on a red lip, not because anyone’s watching, but because it makes you feel hot while microwaving mac and cheese at 9 p.m. That’s power.

Nothing gives you a glow like knowing who the hell you are. That’s the holiday glamour I’m wearing this season. Confidence. Curiosity.

Knowing you can rewrite your story anytime, that’s the real flex.

I’ve spent the last few years rewriting my story, not perfectly, but honestly. And in doing so, I found myself again. The full, messy, emotional, passionate, still-learning one. That’s the woman who “ has it all.”

So if you’re out there trying to do the same, start by having all of yourself.

Your voice. Your truth. Your weird little quirks and your fire.

You don’t need to be perfect to be powerful.

You just need to be you.

And that’s a lot to be grateful for.

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