Healing isn't about fixing...Healing is about being compassionate.
- Feb 17
- 2 min read
By Sarah F. O'Brien, LCSW, C-DBT, CTMH, CCATP
Healing beyond "fixing" yourself looks like caring for yourself in healthy and effective ways. It's also accepting yourself, as is, right now, in this moment in your life. Can you work to improve, learn skills, adjust, grow? Absolutely, but it starts with accepting where you are right now.
Healing looks like compassion for where you've been, what you've been through, and what you’ve learned-- good and bad--along the way. Reframe your experiences to be lessons about life and moving through versions of yourself, rather than judging those experiences, or judging the person that came out of those experiences. Self-compassion is a skill I've had to learn. It's likely a skill everyone has to learn, and it's one of the most valuable skills you can gain in this life.
Another major part of healing and alignment is getting clear on your boundaries. Boundaries ensure your healthy stuff stays in, close to you, and unhealthy stuff (people, places, things) stay farther away from you. Boundaries set the tone for the things that are permissible and things not permissible in your relationships with others. Differentiation from others by honoring your boundaries allows for healthy connection, without codependency or enmeshment (where you lose yourself in the relationship).
Boundaries are also helpful with managing your emotional and physical capacity. Not every day is the same, therefore, we are not capable of doing, saying, behaving in the same ways every single day of our lives. There needs to be adjustment and choice to honor your capacity as it shifts with the days, months, and seasons of life.
A few vital practices help me to stay in alignment with my boundaries and my values. Maybe this sounds cliche from a therapist, but therapy! Regular check-ins with my therapist ensure I maintain some degree of focus on myself, my needs, my boundaries, and my capacity--all for the benefit of my mental health and overall wellness.
I also engage in creativity every day, even if it's just coloring for fifteen (15) minutes. I listen to music I enjoy every day, as well. This helps my brain decompress after long client appointment days, where I feel drained, brain dead, fatigued, with little ability to then make decisions.
I get outside at least once a day for at least thirty (30) minutes (usually when I'm walking my dog). I do this in every type of weather. It's helpful for a screen break, getting fresh air and vitamin D, and getting in touch with nature and things around me.
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