Healing through Boundaries: A Journey of Rediscovering Light in the Depths of Darkness
- Feb 17
- 3 min read
By Lauren Butler
My entire body was humming; my nervous system frozen as he stood up and walked toward me. His voice grew louder. The buzzing in my ears was almost unbearable. I thought to myself, “If I just don't respond; he will eventually go away, and this feeling will stop,” but he didn’t, and it didn’t. It wasn’t until I listened to a recording of this experience later that I was able to really see myself; how strong that woman sounded, how miraculously grounded her voice was, when inside she was full of fear. When you have a long relationship of codependency, seeing abuse often requires outside perspective. With support from family and friends, I was finally able to end the emotional abuse and codependency that was keeping me in a constant state of dissociation - and get my light back!
As a holistic beauty and wellness specialist, my work has become centered around boundaries, helping women regain their power and live in alignment. When we talk about changing our lives, we must take into consideration the healing process. What does it mean to heal? Healing isn’t about fixing yourself; it’s being able to hold the uncomfortable parts of your journey, past, present, and future because true self-acceptance exists in the shadows, as well as the light.
But how do we get to love and acceptance? That’s where boundaries, nervous system patterns, and emotional capacitycome in.
Let’s clarify: A boundary is the line between how much you can love someone else while continuing to love yourself. A boundary is not something that you require another person to do; instead it’s noticing a behavior that you don’t like and deciding you will no longer allow it in your life. Through that decision, you change something about your own actions to remove the behavior. The moment you choose to commit to a boundary, you’re starting to do the deeper work of building more confidence to create, fortify, and protect healthy relationships across your life.
Emotional wellness is rooted in nervous system capacity - the body's ability to feel safe in new situations. When boundaries are created, the body and mind can create clear expectations, and increase the range of emotional tolerance. When we do this, we allow ourselves the ability to have new experiences, and we also say yes to the dreams that we didn’t previously feel safe enough to accept.
Boundaries create the conditions for change, but learning how to stay regulated daily allows that change to last. That’s what led me to these simple targeted practices that support both my own healing and the healing I’ve witnessed in other women. They help me release stored emotions, increase emotional tolerance, and stay in alignment with my highest self.
The Washing Machine: Twist your body with arms out wide from side to side while breathing deeply.
4-6-8 breathwork: Breathe in for four seconds, hold for six seconds, breathe out for eight seconds.
Heart-Brain Coherence: Spend 5-10 minutes up to 3 times per day with hands at your heart, simply breathing in “love” and breathing out “gratitude.” Through this practice, you’ll connect the heart and brain systems to create harmony.
Over time, these small practices taught me that regulation is something we can support from deep within our bodies.
When you permit yourself to love you as deeply as you love others, you rediscover how bright your light can shine. Tuning into where your power lies, following your intuition, and coming back home to yourself will always bring you back to your light, even in the depths of darkness.
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