by Jennifer Day
It’s a fact that how you feel about yourself is how you show up in the world. Whether you are the “girl next door” or the Emmy winning actress, both still have the same physical capabilities and mental components on the inside, including a voice that can be your best ally or worst critic.
Your appearance is directly tied to your voice. It is talking to you all of the time. How does your voice talk to you? Does it present you with good feelings about yourself and how comfortable you are about your body? Meaning you show up as confident, happy, and wear what makes you feel like a moviestar. Or does it say that you are not good enough, not pretty enough, or that your body is flawed? Perhaps you show up in oversized clothing, head looking down, and wearing drab colors. Based upon my upbringing, I have experienced both!
As a young child and tween, family members told me how I was to show up in the world. Did they do that with ill will or harmful intention? Of course not; however, being told how to do things or what I could do to be better frequently instilled a level of unworthiness interpreted as “I’m not good enough.” I learned to seek approval, for someone else to tell me that I’m ok or doing a good job.
How did this affect how I show up in the world? Well, my younger self played small, in hopes to not be seen or heard, with the negative feed loop. Deep down I wanted to be seen and heard, beyond the ridicule for my extra curvy body shape size, by family and peers. I would speak up for myself on occasion and quickly learned it would get me in trouble or worse, rejected.
Once I became an adult, I still wasn’t living in the reality that I wanted. I was scared to be my own person. Scared to be judged. Scared to be viewed differently. And ultimately scared to be successful and possibly lose my external validating people. That kept my nervous system in a chronic freeze pattern (inability to make decisions consistently, if at all. Believe me when I say that it caused a lot of heartache. It had me watching my life pass me by, day by day.
Two years ago that changed. I found my voice after becoming curious about what was holding me back. It led to my awareness about inner work that was needed. I had trouble receiving compliments on achieving goals and accomplishments. I began to heal and take off the MASK of the appearance that I thought “I was supposed to have” and match it to the reality I wanted. While I’ve shed 125 lbs (in total) which has helped my physical appearance; the EMOTIONAL ARMOR released feels more like 200 lbs!
Once I took a chance on myself, new opportunities to show up for myself arrived, but only AFTER I started showing up for myself. They aligned with the people, places, and things that are meant for me! I wrote another article earlier this year on Body Image impacts. I have arrived at a place where my appearance and how I WANT to show up in the world, matches my reality. As a Certified Somatic Coach, how can I help YOU do the same?
What internal work do you need to do for you, your appearance and how you show up in the world? To match your desired reality, to let it be easy and start living everyday with grace and purpose?
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