How Reclaiming Yourself is the Biggest Act of Self Love
- Feb 13
- 3 min read
By Alyssa Booth, MA, LPC
If you looked at my life today, you’d see a confident woman, a therapist, a coach, a mom — someone grounded, self-assured, and steady. But that’s far from where I began.
My turning point wasn’t a single moment. It was a slow, painful unraveling of every role I thought I had to play.
Growing up shy and sensitive, I learned to study what other people wanted from me. I became whoever felt most acceptable — the easy one, the agreeable one, the one who didn’t take up space. I wanted to be liked, popular, chosen. And I believed belonging required becoming whatever version of myself other people preferred.
As I got older, that pattern deepened. I spent my teens and early twenties trying to earn acceptance, changing myself to be chosen. I dated guys who treated me poorly because I assumed that was the best I could get. When someone hurt me, I didn’t think, “they mistreated me.”
I thought, of course, I wasn’t enough.
The shame spiral hit its peak when I found out I was pregnant at 21, the summer before starting graduate school. The shame was suffocating. So I coped the only way I knew: performing happiness even harder, proving myself more, becoming whatever felt most acceptable. I married someone who was deeply toxic because I didn’t want my child to grow up in a “broken family.” But the truth was… I was breaking inside of it.
The real breakthrough point came the day I realized that minimizing myself to be chosen was destroying me. I was exhausted from shape-shifting, holding everything together, and carrying shame that was never mine to hold.
I didn’t want to be strong anymore. I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I couldn’t keep pretending I was okay, when I was really one small inconvenience away from a total meltdown. What I really wanted was to be seen, held, validated, and loved for me.
Why was I living for people who don’t even consider me?
Why was I making sure everyone else was happy when I was miserable?
I stood up — literally — from the closet I’d been crying in. Not dramatically, but in a quiet, honest, desperate way.
I chose myself for the first time.
And choosing myself became the foundation of my work today.
When “Having it All” Leads to Self-Abandonment
The biggest myth is that “having it all” is even the goal.
I don’t want to have it all if it costs me myself.
We’re taught that fulfillment comes from balance, perfection, productivity, and keeping every piece of life running flawlessly. But the women I work with — and the woman I used to be — aren’t struggling because they don’t have enough. They’re struggling because they’re carrying too much.
“Having it all” usually translates to doing it all… without rest, support, or acknowledgment of the emotional cost. The problem is that we do everything for everyone else, and often leave ourselves out of the picture.
True happiness, healing and success is belonging to yourself. Feeling safe in your body. Building a life that includes your needs, your emotions, your limits, your humanity.
Having it all is meaningless if you aren’t allowed to be yourself inside the life you’ve built.
From Unstoppable to Steady
To be honest, I don’t try to be unstoppable anymore. Yes, I push myself, challenge myself and dream big. But this has to come from a place of connection within.
I try to be steady. I try to be regulated. I try to be honest with myself.
Being “unstoppable” means stopping long enough to get restorative rest mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I still have to go with the ebbs and flows of life. Healing doesn’t make life stop being life.
What keeps me grounded now is trusting myself, honoring myself and belonging to myself.
I stay steady by listening to my nervous system before I listen to my fear.
I rest before I hit burnout.
I choose who I am, not who I think people want me to be.
And when things get hard, I remind myself of these truths:
No one is going to give me an award for being the most burnt out.
Just because I can do it all doesn’t mean I should.
I am worthy as I am.
And it’s okay to ask for help.
I choose peace. I choose boundaries. I choose my capacity. I choose rest. I choose to reconnect with myself. I choose what makes me happy.
This is the foundation reclaiming who I truly am. When I honor that, nothing can stop me.
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