I wish I was her

Nov 13
2 min read

By Clisver Alvarez

I wish I was her — the girl who wakes up in the morning and makes her bed right after. The one who starts her day with a long, meticulous skincare routine to preserve her perfect baby face. Then she brushes her teeth, sets the kettle for tea, and moves gracefully into her busy, structured day.

What can I say? One can only dream of the perfect lifestyle. And thanks to social media, my desire to become her has only grown stronger.

But the truth is, my life doesn’t look like that. I don’t have a set schedule. My days feel like a constantly shifting floor — always changing, never steady. I often find myself drowning in a mess of overdue dishes and piles of laundry.

My surroundings mirror my mind: cluttered and chaotic. That chaos seeps into other areas of my life until I’m left feeling disappointed in myself all over again.

Frustration sets in, and I pull out the measuring stick — comparing where I am to where I think I should be. The pressure is real. It’s not just my own expectations anymore; it’s everyone else’s too. I see my peers achieving things I haven’t yet, and nothing hurts more than feeling like all the work I’ve poured into my career and myself hasn’t paid off. Even though deep down I know it has, it doesn’t always feel that way.

Almost three years in, and my coaching and writing career still feels like it’s taking forever to bear fruit. I’ve given it my blood, sweat, and tears. Yet I keep pushing, carrying the weight of broken dreams — because despite it all, this is what drives me.

I’ve tried countless jobs before this, and somehow, they all led me here. To this moment — frustrated, uncertain, but still standing. Still fighting.

I know something has to change, and that change must come from within. I need to stop comparing myself to the illusion of perfection, because perfection doesn’t exist.

I am walking in my purpose, on my journey, exactly where God wants me to be.

He has a path laid out for me — and I shouldn’t try to skip ahead just because I’m eager for the next chapter.

Instead, I should trust the process. Enjoy the ride. And bask in its quiet, imperfect joys.

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