Redefining Success: How Losing Myself Led Me to Lift Others
- Feb 9
- 3 min read
By Doris Walsh
Five years ago, if you’d asked me what success looked like, I would have given a very polished answer. Something about climbing the corporate ladder, being a top performer, managing the family logistics and looking like I had it all under control. At that time, I honestly believed that success meant proving I could handle everything without dropping a ball. I didn’t question why I felt the need to keep pushing. I just kept going.
My wakeup call came when I found myself on the wrong side of the redundancy line. My life as I knew it imploded. My life at that point was rushed, rushing from meetings to child pickups, mentally preparing presentations or emails while cooking dinner. My husband felt like a stranger I coordinated schedules with. And despite checking every box society told me was important, I felt completely empty and lost. Success, wasn't working for me anymore.
That moment of recognition became my catalyst. Not immediately - I'd love to say I had an instant epiphany and everything changed overnight. But the truth is quite a bit messier than that – involving moving family to another country. The real transformation began when I stopped running from the discomfort of admitting that my definition of success was making me miserable. When I finally acknowledged that I'd sacrificed presence for productivity, connection for achievement, and my own well-being for everyone else's approval.
Losing that version of myself - the one who believed she had to be everything to everyone - was a low point, it was like losing part of my identity. It felt like failure. But in that space of loss, something remarkable happened: I began asking different questions. What do I actually want? What do I enjoy? What kind of parent, partner and human do I want to be when no one is grading me?
Today, success means waking up energized rather than already depleted. It's having the confidence to set boundaries without drowning in guilt. It's being fully engaged when my children tell me about their day instead of mentally drafting tomorrow's presentation. Success is the peace that comes from making decisions aligned with my values rather than others' expectations, and it’s about having more fun and enjoyment in the moment, instead of waiting for a big milestone.
This shift didn’t happen overnight. It came through hard conversations with myself, honest reflection and coaching. But it opened my eyes to something important. If I, with all my drive and discipline, could fall into the trap of chasing a version of success that left me drained, then countless other women were likely doing the same. Women who are smart, capable, loving, and stretched thin by expectations they never signed up for.
That realization changed more than my lifestyle. It changed my purpose.
That's why supporting other women isn't just something I do - it's central to who I've become. I actively create spaces for their stories. Asking what they want, instead of what they think they should want. Challenging them to question the rules they’ve been following.
I celebrate their wins and sit with them in the messy parts. And when they feel lost, I help them see the strengths they’ve forgotten they have. Transformation happens when we stop pretending everything is fine and start getting honest about what isn’t.
Because the truth is, we're not meant to carry it all alone. And sometimes the most revolutionary thing we can do is admit we can't, then reach out our hand to help someone else do the same.
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