Redefining what it means to win: Releasing the myth of competition
- Feb 19
- 3 min read
By Susana DuMett
For much of my life, I believed that winning meant outworking, outpacing, and outperforming others. I grew up in a highly academic household where worth was measured by outside accolades. It pushed me into extreme (unhealthy) habits of perfectionism, going after things that I didn’t want, but felt I had to do to be “successful,” and into an addictive cycle of overwork. I’d absorbed the societal and familial programming that my value was based on what I did and achieved, not who I was as a person. This fueled a deeper belief that worth/success had limitations and I needed to compete against others to have it.
Later, after my body literally gave out due to the stress I put myself through, I started learning about the power of energy healing and how to discern different types of energy within and around me. This included the energy of other people, dynamics between them, and of environments, especially workplaces. I started noticing what I now call “competition energy,” an unnecessary, extra frenetic vibe that keeps people on edge, pits them against each other, fuels anxiety, and actively undermines the very things many people, including myself, consider positive and healthy. This includes clear focus, creativity, discernment and critical thinking, consistent performance, the ability to easily connect and collaborate, the list goes on.
Sure, the competitive drive to succeed has catalyzed some great things, but it can also make them turn ugly. Competition thrives on the idea that someone else’s success undermines our own and we have to fight for our place in the world. On the flip side, others need to be diminished to make space for the egoic “me.” It feeds things like office bullying, backstabbing, taking credit for others work, discrimination of all kinds.
It’s also one of the greatest drains on women’s power. I spent so much time feeling like I had to protect my position, justify my presence, or stay relevant by force of effort alone. I fell into habits of measuring myself and my performance against others, when I could have been cultivating a unique path of my own.
During my own recovery and reinvention, I decided I wasn’t going to “compete” any more. I wasn’t going to allow myself to feel less than, or like I had to prove anything to anyone other than myself. I leaned in hard to a quote by Zig Ziglar, the old school salesman and motivational speaker who said, “You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.” I love this quote because it neutralizes the pressure of comparing, contrasting, and competing against others and encourages us to just lean into our innately distinctive power and genius.
Over time, I understood that people define success differently and they don’t succeed in the same way, on the same timelines, or for the same reasons. There is no single path. No universal metric of success. Ambition is great, but getting caught up in competition diminishes the power and potential of your own journey and contributions.
Ultimately, I think competition is a made-up construct. When we take action grounded in integrity, our energetic presence is like an antenna that transmits and calls in the right people and opportunities for us. The focus then becomes being all that we are for ourselves and others. This makes our impact more relevant, sustainable, and memorable. To me, that’s a win.
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