Reflection & Renewal: The Power Within
- Dec 4
- 3 min read
By Jennifer M. Ellis
2025. A year I never expected. A year I never planned for.
The end of 2024 found my husband struggling from an undiagnosed condition.
On February 4, 2025 his life ended.
What do I do now?
Grieve.
Live – I have two mortgages and a dog I am now solely responsible for.
I am a yoga, fitness, and meditation teacher. What would I tell one of my students?
I’d probably give them a hug and let them know I am here for them.
Maybe I should do that for myself.
Writing this, it has been almost 10 months. Yet, it feels like yesterday. Time has become …weird since Jim’s passing.
I have had to find the power within.
Many days I have wanted to lay on the floor and stay there. Many days, I have been exhausted physically and mentally. Many days, I wanted to escape and pretend nothing had changed.
When you are a couple, you live in a way where you have joint goals, plans, schedules, shared tasks… and my husband and I were around each other pretty much 24/7 since we both worked primarily from home.
How do you get through the days?
Sometimes I don’t know.
What I do know, is I keep to my personal practice every morning of yoga, Pilates, meditation, and prayer… followed by a couple Starbucks Pike Place roast coffees.
I have actually had some revelations in that morning practice such as the correlation between my previous dog’s passing and that of my husband’s, next steps in my life, what to do about certain home issues, and more.
The quiet, the presence, the tuning inward. The tuning inward. When your couple suddenly becomes one, you do not really remember what you alone want, need, think, and be.
Even now I’ll go toward something that was what Jim and I enjoyed – and have to ask myself, do I enjoy doing this on my own now? And if the answer is no, having the choice to decide what would work best for me, since it is – only me now.
I have had to learn to balance my emotions with gratitude. Gratitude can truly turn a mood around. For example, thinking – I wish Jim was here to watch this Miami Dolphins game with me. I have found yes, acknowledge that I miss that, but instead of staying in that space of loss and upset where it affects the rest of my day – moving to something I am grateful for – like supporting Jim to live one of his dreams to go see a Miami Dolphins game from the sidelines on the field.
There is so much I can write on this, and I know there will be more in the future.
But in closing, renewal. The place I am in now. I must become me again. Not that I wasn’t me with my husband – but standing alone is totally different. It is a reinvention of sorts, especially that this age (52). I will use the tools I teach, feel what needs to be felt, stay present with what is having faith in the future. Tapping into that power within through my practices of yoga, movement, and meditation. That power we all have but sometimes forget we have or do not remember how to access.
I celebrate all who have gone through transforming challenges of their own – it is hard work! You inspire me!
Connect With Jennifer
Twitter: @LifeEnlighten
Instagram: @JenniferMarieEllis
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