Shedding Light on Dark Moments of the Soul
- Aug 11
- 3 min read
By Ryn Gargulinski
Oh boy. Dark moments of the soul. I’ve had plenty from which I arose, but the biggest – and most deadly – was when I was at my alcoholic bottom at age 29. Based on the way I drank since my teen years, there was an ongoing joke that I would be dead before I hit age 30.
There I was at age 29 and a half – and that dang joke was coming true!
I was barely able to think or speak. Had to drink every 30 minutes or my body would stop functioning properly. I was so depressed, discombobulated and, worst of all, I had absolutely no hope.
I remember falling to my knees, screaming: “God, please make this STOP!!!!!!”
Within a week or so, He did.
That’s when I first felt the spiritual spark in me that would go on to keep me moving, growing and glowing from then on out. That was 26 years ago.
My transformation from a hopeless drunk to an accomplished author, artist, transformational doula and energy healer did not happen overnight. Nor did it happen in a neat, straight line or even with a clear direction at times.
Once I entered recovery, life was not automatically all parades and roses. Sure, God had removed the compulsion to drink. But I still held all kinds of baggage that had propelled me to escape into drink in the first place.
False ideas and belief systems about myself and the world. Warped patterns of thinking. Oodles of trapped emotions and emotional walls that were working against me. Keeping myself little and compliant as the person who I thought others and society told me I needed to be.
Every time a new crisis hit, it brought more of those blockages to the surface where they could be released with the help of Spirit. Like a snake (or dragon!) shedding her old skin.
The shedding process can be scary and incredibly painful, but every shedding gives even more room for the new and glorious to shine through.
Like the merry-go-round of ho-hum jobs that didn’t use my full talents and creative powers – or simply didn’t last. Here I shed the notion that jobs had to be entrapments or low-paying forms of suffering.
I instead grew into a career I invented myself. One that came with published books and art creation. One that came with experience and certifications in coaching, Reiki and other energy healing techniques that I consistently use for myself and others to get through absolutely anything.
Such as the string of bad relationships with guys who disrespected, betrayed or otherwise treated me like garbage. Here I was invited to shed the low self-worth that initiated those relationships.
Or the death of my soul mate dog, Sawyer. A giant dog I adopted after one of those bad relationships ended with the death of my little dog, Sawyer became my everything.
Until he sat down one day after a walk and never got back. Died of a mysterious and sudden paralyzing ailment at the age of 8.
That taught me to walk through grief. So much grief. Grief not only of losing my soul mate dog, but all the grief that I had bottled up and tried to ignore for the previous decades of my life. Ouch.
It also taught me not to rely on the outer world or circumstances for my wholeness or happiness. We can’t get from the world what it doesn’t have to give. The world and society are going to churn as they churn – the only way we’re not going to get eaten alive is if we anchor ourselves in the inner world of Love, not the outer world of chaos.
Relationships, jobs, homes and all outer circumstances change. The only thing that remains constant is that Spirit is always inside of us, waiting to help us let go of the old so it can guide us into the new.
We always have a choice. Are we going to stay little and let the guff keep us swirling about in our pity pots? Or are we going to stand up and stand strong with God, knowing we are learning what we need to learn while being who we are born to be? If you ask me, I’ll go with the latter. And I’m here to help others do the same.
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