Shraddha Chandwadkar
“Life will knock you down more than you can imagine. Don’t knock yourself down.” As humans, we often perceive ourselves based on how others view us. This constant dwelling on external perceptions can shape our reality. Bogged down by these perceptions, we give away too much power, regurgitating thoughts of hurt, hate, anger, guilt, and shame.
This phenomenon, known as "Negative Self Talk," refers to the rumination of these negative thoughts. The inner critic emerges from this ongoing internal dialogue, trapping us in self-defeating behaviors, self-doubt, and a negative self-image. It acts as a significant barrier to developing resilience and self-esteem.
Often, it's not other people or situations impacting our lives but our self-belief. Bringing this inner critic to awareness is necessary. Here are some tips on silencing the inner critic and building resilience.
Identifying the Inner Critic
Awareness: Observe negative thoughts of stress, anxiety, anger, sadness, hurt, fear, or worry daily. Notice if you are harboring self-doubt within.
Journaling/Reflection:Note down the negative thoughts and identify their triggers.
Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness meditation regularly to develop awareness and identify the inner critic.
Silencing the Inner Critic
Once you are aware of the negative self-talk, challenge its validity by asking, “Is this a fact, truth, or an assumption or perception?” From that understanding, reframe the negative thoughts.
Academic Challenges:
Scenario: Before the final exams, Megan is always anxious and fearful that she will fail.
Negative Self Talk: “I will fail.”
Challenge: “Is it true that I will fail? Have I put in the effort to study and score well on the exam? We are all capable of excelling. Many times, the results are directly proportional to the efforts we put in.”
Reframe: “I can pass the exam. I just need to study more.”
Career Setbacks:
Scenario: Julie faces challenges in her corporate job and can't seem to get promoted.
Negative Self Talk: “I do not deserve this as I am not good enough.” Challenge:
Do an honest self-introspection. “Is it true that I don’t deserve a promotion? Are my job goals aligned with my team goals? If I am working on my job, how is my relationship with my boss and peers? Perhaps I need to work on relationship building. Introspect if your strengths are not in alignment with the job requirements. In this case, you may have to look for a different job.”
Reframe: “I am good enough and deserve the promotion. However, it is okay if I am not promoted. There may be more opportunities for me.”
Personal Relationships:
Scenario: Leela’s husband gets mad at Leela for not cleaning the refrigerator.
Negative Self Talk: “No one loves me.”
Challenge: Can I think of at least one person who loves me? What is the relationship between not cleaning the refrigerator and no one loving me?
Reframe: “The refrigerator cleaning has nothing to do with love. There surely are people who love me.”
Building Resilience
In addition to the steps above, build resilience through these self-care routines.
Self-Compassion:
Identify and note down your core values and strengths. Write affirmations like, “I am loved, I am the source of love, I am stunning, the source of beauty is me, I am respected, I am the origin of reverence.”
Gratitude:
Be consciously grateful for what you have. Thank the various people and experiences in your life for helping you learn and grow.
By recognizing and challenging the inner critic, we can break free from negative self-talk and build a resilient, positive self-image. www.shraddhachandwadkar.com
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