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She Rises Studios

Success Starts with Self

by Divya Chandegra


There’s the age-old comparison between women and men and the expectations of their roles in society, family and at work. Many women, undersell and undervalue themselves because it’s ingrained in them since childhood through limiting beliefs, media and stereotypes. I’ve put together five ways I can help them to overcome these blocks to achieve success.


Here’s my take on five reasons women tend to play it small:


1. Societal expectations – women are ‘expected’ to play a certain role in society and irrespective of the changes we make and see in the modern world, the outdated archetypes of a patriarchal society still haunt us. Society doesn’t want her to own her power, to prioritise her Self, or her needs.


2. Fear of being vulnerable – having been sold a dream by society and being let down numerous times, women build up walls to protect themselves from others not showing up for them. To let people see her real essence requires self-discovery and self-acceptance.


3. Unsure of themselves – we have to ask ourselves whether we’re building women up or if we’re judging them, causing further damage. Many women are raised with conditions where they subconsciously learn that they’re not good enough or are reminded of their ‘failures.’ This leads to self-doubt in their present and keeps her limiting herself. 


4. Fear of saying or doing the wrong thing – we think we have to get it right first-time round, so that society views us in a particular way (through their conditioned views of what success looks like). We play it small because we fail to accept ourselves as learning beings. 


5. Fear of being judged – society is fast to place judgements on people, but often women do this to other women. When she’s living in a world where both the men and the women are judging her decisions, movements and dreams - what hope does she have? 


If women do not get the right support from friends and family, we need to understand the impact of this and begin taking responsibility for creating a better environment for each other. 


Here’s what we can do to help women play big:


1. Develop an open-mind and be a supporter of women instead of the judge. Try one (or all) of these techniques next time you feel yourself reacting to something someone is saying, doing, or even how they show up in the world:

• Take a moment - centre yourself by breathing deeply into the belly to balance your nervous system and bring yourself to the present moment

• Actively listen – assess if what is being said resonates with you 

• Develop your understanding - ask questions and be open to learn what motivates other women


2. Be there for women and let them know it’s safe. Asking questions about how she sees herself achieving her goals demonstrates interest and support. 


3. Build her up and affirm her intentions to play bigger. Offering kind words with pure intentions and indicating why we believe in what they’re doing can have a positive impact on reprogramming their belief systems. 

4. Assure her that life is about learning and to take what she may see as failure, as a learning lesson instead, by accepting where she’s at now. Try some of these:

• Success is like climbing a mountain – you have to be disciplined to train, fail, rebalance and acclimatize, re-learn, re-train and get up and go again.

• Reframe the fear of failure – to the excitement of trying something new for the first time.

• We learn to drive – we don’t immediately know how to drive and we accept that and take guidance from someone who is experienced and eventually, it becomes second nature.


5. Consciously create a safe space for other women that is free from judgement. 


Boost your self-awareness and embrace self-love - download The Self-Love Journey: Empowering Parents and Professionals eBook for free today! www.ebooks.divya-chandegra.com/the-self-love-journey 


IG: divya.chandegra 

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