My name is Charlotte O’Brien. From the second I stepped into school at the age of 5, I was picked on for being different. I specifically remember one incident when I was around 7 or 8 years old; a teacher brought me to my bully on the playground and asked her ‘Why don’t you like Charlotte?’, and the only response I received was a shrug of her shoulders and the words ‘I don’t know, I just don’t like her’.
That was pretty damaging to hear at such a young age. Sadly, the ill treatment didn’t stop there – there was always at least one person willing to make fun of me or single me out. And it wasn’t just emotional, there were times when these select people made physical attacks against me. I thought primary school was bad, but I could’ve never predicted how evil teenagers would be. From the age of 11 up to 18, not only did I face general bullying and isolation, but I also endured a lot of betrayal and backstabbing from some of those that I considered my closest friends. It was inevitable that all of that would eventually take a toll on my mental health and at the age of 13 I self-harmed for the first time, and then at the age of 15 I made the first attempt of taking my life. Coincidentally, when I was 15 I also began writing what would later become my debut novel.
Upon leaving education in 2018, all of the suppressed traumas came flooding back to me and I ended up finding it difficult to even get out of bed in the mornings. I would spent my days in the dark because I couldn’t cope with everything that I had been through. My mind scrambled to find answers, but I only ended up blaming myself. I had suffered so much that I had even lost my passion for writing. Then in 2020, just as the pandemic started, I went to a GP and began taking medication – I even started therapy. Out of the blue I was fuelled by a desire to get better and become exactly who I had always wanted to be. But before that was possible, I knew that I had to work on myself. As time passed, I began writing again. I came to the realisation that I could use my own experiences to try and help others. With three completed short stories, I was ready to start approaching literacy agents. Months later all I had was a handful of rejections and I was starting to feel like giving up was my only option. But then in the summer of 2021, someone that I was lucky enough to call a friend made the decision to take his life. In light of his passing, I was even more determined to get my work out there.
I wasn’t able to help him but my writing could help someone else. I don’t think that anyone will ever truly understand the immense impact that he had on my life. And I don’t want to let him down by giving up on my dream. That is why I am overjoyed to announce that my debut novel, Stay With Me was released in May. I am not sharing my story for pity or sympathy; I am sharing my story because I know how important it is to use my voice in order to breakdown the stigma surrounding mental health. I am not a victim; I am a survivor, and you can be one too. Charlotte O’Brien www.staywithmeseries.wordpress.com
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