by JoNataye Prather, PhD, MSW, PSM-1
My passion has always been helping students succeed—not just in college, but in their careers and lives. As a university professor, administrator, and school social worker, I've spent over two decades immersed in the social and behavioral sciences, building programs, mentoring students, and creating initiatives that bridge education and workforce empowerment.
Throughout this journey, I've had the privilege of designing undergraduate and graduate courses, building department curricula, and even leading an entire program to achieve accreditation through the Council of Social Work Education. While these accomplishments have been fulfilling, my heart has always been with the students who came to my office feeling overwhelmed, insecure, or unsure of their next steps.
Self-love wasn't something I prioritized. I told myself, I'll take care of myself once this project is done or after I help this student. The truth? That "later" never came.
It wasn't until I found myself completely burned out—physically, mentally, and emotionally—that I realized something had to change. I had to shift my mindset from constant giving to one that allowed me to prioritize myself without guilt.
Boundaries: The Foundation of Self-Love
The first step was learning to set boundaries. As women, we're often taught to say "yes" to everything—to opportunities, obligations, and even people who drain our energy. I had to remind myself that saying "no" isn't a rejection; it's an act of self-preservation.
Here's what helped me:
Identify your priorities. Write down what truly matters to you—your health, your family, and your personal growth. If something doesn't align with those priorities, consider saying no.
Practice small nos. Start with low-stakes situations to build your confidence. Decline a meeting that doesn't require your presence or a favor you don't have the capacity to fulfill.
Communicate with kindness. "I'd love to help, but I can't commit right now" is a phrase that saved me countless times.
Boundaries became a way for me to reclaim my time and energy, which I could reinvest in myself.
Affirmations: Speaking Life Into Yourself
I also had to challenge the negative narratives I'd internalized over the years. Too often, I focused on what I wasn't doing well rather than celebrating my wins.
Self-love affirmations became a powerful tool for shifting my mindset. Each morning, I'd look in the mirror and say things like: "I am enough, just as I am," "I deserve rest, joy, happiness, and success." and "My worth is not tied to my productivity."
These affirmations weren't just words; they were lifelines. Over time, they rewired my thinking and helped me focus on my strengths instead of my shortcomings.
Focusing on the Positive: The Power of Reframing
As an educator, I've seen the transformative power of focusing on strengths. When students come to me overwhelmed, I remind them to take inventory of what they can do instead of fixating on their challenges. I began applying the same approach to myself.
I'd celebrate my small accomplishments instead of criticizing myself for not getting everything done. I started asking, What's one thing I'm proud of today? That simple question shifted my perspective and allowed me to end each day with gratitude.
It's a Journey, Not a Destination
The most important lesson I've learned is that self-love is not a box you check off—it's a lifelong journey. Some days, it's easy to feel confident and aligned; others, it's a struggle. And that's okay.
Along the way, I've leaned on a circle of accountability partners and unconditional friends. These are the people who love and accept me as I am but also hold me accountable for showing up for myself. They remind me to prioritize self-care, celebrate my progress, and gently nudge me back on track when I falter. Having a supportive community has been essential in maintaining my self-love practices.
Practical Tips for Cultivating Self-Love
If you're on your self-love journey, here are some strategies that helped me:
Set Clear Boundaries. Respect your time and energy by saying no to things that don't align with your priorities.
Embrace Affirmations. Speak life into yourself with words that uplift and empower.
Reframe Your Perspective. Focus on your strengths and celebrate small wins every day.
Practice Self-Care. Schedule time for things that bring you joy—whether it's a walk, journaling, or simply resting.
Lean on Your Circle. Surround yourself with people who encourage, uplift, and lovingly hold you accountable.
Love Yourself Fiercely
As women, we often feel pressure to be everything to everyone. But the truth is, the most powerful gift we can give the world is a whole, joyful, and unapologetically confident version of ourselves.
Self-love isn't selfish—it's essential. When we invest in ourselves, we transform our own lives and create ripples of empowerment for everyone around us.
So, to all the unstoppable women reading this: embrace your individuality, celebrate your wins, and love yourself fiercely. The world needs your light, and it shines brightest when you take care of you.
Connect with JoNataye
@DrJoNataye
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