The Shift from Perfect to Good Enough
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
By Dorlee Michaeli, MBA, LCSW
Our bodies are built to address periodic stresses when we give ourselves sufficient time to restore. However, with inadequate downtime and repeated stress, we may suffer from mental fog, irritability, and poor mental and physical health. These, in turn, may lead to reduced longevity or more years with illness.
Having an unhealthy relationship with work is often a source of prolonged stress for high-achievers who confuse excellence and perfectionism. Excellence energizes as it spurs us to grow, learn and master. It enables us to celebrate progress and take pride
in our work.
Perfectionism, on the other hand, depletes our reserves by being rigid and punishing. It makes us feel like we’re not allowed to make any mistakes, and that we aren’t enough no matter what we do.
Perfectionism often develops as a survival strategy in childhood. It’s the way that we earned safety, love or approval. Without intervention, chronic overworking leads to burnout and emotional exhaustion.
I'm a recovering perfectionist myself. I've found that therapy and meditation, combined with showing myself compassion when I make mistakes and aiming for good enough vs. striving for perfection, have made all the difference to my stress levels and overall wellbeing.
To lessen perfectionism’s hold, show yourself compassion when you make mistakes. As you soften towards yourself, you’ll start to hear when your body needs a break. This will help you be sharper when you return to the task.
Experiment with aiming for good enough (90% vs 110%) for some projects and notice how others can’t tell the difference. Ask a trusted colleague their thoughts on your 90% work to build inner confidence. Many perfectionists find therapy helpful to identify the
roots of self-doubt and restore self-trust.
While some sources of stress aren't under our control, there are practical steps we can take to increase our mental clarity, resiliency and longevity - starting with sleep.Â
Sufficient sleep reduces stress, though chronic stress can make sleep harder.
Tips to improve sleep: practice good sleep hygiene such as getting to bed at a regular time and avoiding screens one hour before bedtime. Also, journaling any concerns for a short period of time before bedtime can be quite beneficial. Adding 3 positive things that you’ve noticed each day can make journaling even more powerful by training your brain to be looking for positive things throughout the day.
Meditating daily for 10-20 minutes (listening to a guided meditation counts!) is an effective technique to reduce your overall stress levels during the day. Your mind may wander during the meditations and that is totally fine. In fact, gently
noticing your mind has wandered and then bringing your attention back to the meditation is training your brain to gently retain its focus elsewhere, thereby increasing your mental clarity. There is also yoga nidra, a type of guided meditation that specifically walks you through relaxing all the parts of your body, that may be particularly helpful before you sleep.
In addition to good sleep hygiene, journaling and meditating, walking for 20 minutes outside during the day helps with relaxing, getting sufficient exposure to the sun, and helping your body produce sufficient melatonin at bedtime.
Lastly, connecting with at least one good friend or relative may aid in reducing feelings of stress and improving your ability to sleep. By sharing your concerns, you’ll feel less alone and they may help you see things more favorably. Connecting with others is a big resilience and longevity booster.
Connect With Dorlee
Instagram: @dorlee.michaeli