The Truth That Shattered Me—And The Strength That Rebuilt Me

Oct 3
4 min read

By Lisa Sugarman

Founder of The HelpHUB™

*WARNING: This essay mentions suicide and may be triggering to some readers.

For 35 years, I believed my father had died of a heart attack. And that’s the narrative I carried with me from the time I was ten years old—until a single conversation changed everything over three decades later.

It happened during a quiet lunch with my mom. We were reminiscing, talking about the past, and about the stress my father had been under before he died. Then, without warning, I asked her a question I’d never asked before: Had dad been depressed before he died? Immediately, her answer was yes. Then, before I realized the words were coming out of my mouth, I asked a follow-up question: Did dad take his own life? And again, her answer was yes.

I was shattered.

The weight of that truth was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It reframed my entire childhood and turned the loss of my father into something altogether different than I’d know it to be. In a matter of seconds, my life as I’d known it to be had been rewritten.

What followed wasn’t just grief—it was grief in reverse. Now, I was working my way backward, revisiting and regrieving every childhood memory through the lens of someone whose father had died by suicide.

And that awareness changed everything—it deepened my grief, but it also created the possibility of something I’d never considered: the ability to turn my pain into purpose. Because at some point in the midst of the uncertainty and sadness, I realized I had a choice. I could let this truth consume me, or I could let it shape me into someone stronger.

I chose strength and I leaned into the pain.

As a way of cultivating a deeper understanding about the suicidal mind, I started learning everything I could about mental illness, suicide, and the silence that surrounds both. Then, I began telling my story. And that became the agent of change. In choosing to share my truth, I was reshaping something devastating into something that could make a difference for others who were walking a similar path.

“Because healing begins where the silence ends.”

And that choice changed the trajectory of my life.

In the years that followed, I became a crisis counselor for The Trevor Project, working on their crisis and suicide lifeline for at-risk LGBTQ+ youth. I started sharing my story as a storyteller for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), and I became a grief group facilitator with Samaritans, moderating their suicide loss support group Safe Place. I launched The Survivors Podcast, where I cohost real conversations about suicide. And I founded The HelpHUB™—a free, inclusive mental health platform that connects people to mental health resources, crisis support, and trauma-informed content when they need it most.

I poured my grief into purpose. And what I’ve learned along the way is that the strongest thing any of us can do is tell the truth—even the uncomfortable, messy, complicated truth. Because healing only begins when we name what we’re going through.

For me, choosing strength meant being seen—not as someone who had all the answers, but as someone who learned that grief and joy can coexist. Strength, I’ve come to realize, isn’t a one-time decision—it’s something we choose every day in spite of how our heart is feeling in the moment.

And every time we choose it, we make it easier for someone else to do the same.

So, if you’ve ever felt afraid of your own truth, know this: You’re not alone. And choosing strength doesn’t mean you’re never scared—it just means you keep showing up anyway.

Because when you confront what you’re afraid of head on, fear loses its grip and strength takes its place.

“I poured my grief into purpose. And what I’ve learned along the way is that the strongest thing any of us can do is tell the truth—even the uncomfortable, messy, complicated truth.”

About the Author

Lisa Sugarman is an author, nationally syndicated columnist, and a three-time survivor of suicide loss. She’s a passionate mental health advocate, a crisis counselor with The Trevor Project, and a storyteller with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), using her lived experience to help others find healing through connection and community.

Lisa is also the Founder of The HelpHUB™, the most inclusive and comprehensive free online destination for mental health resources, tools, crisis hotlines, and content designed to support the diverse mental health needs of every community. She also cohosts The Survivors Podcast, a show for anyone affected by suicide or mental illness, providing candid conversations and real stories of survival.

In addition to her podcast work, Lisa facilitates Safe Place, a virtual support group for survivors of suicide loss at Samaritans Southcoast in Boston. She’s also the author of How to Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids and Be OK With It, Untying Parent Anxiety, and LIFE: It Is What It Is.

A frequent contributor to the Mental Health Television Network (MHTN), Lisa’s writing has also been featured in Calmerry, Healthline Parenthood, Grown & Flown, TODAY Parents, Thrive Global, LittleThings, The Washington Post, and Psychology Today. Lisa lives and writes just north of Boston. Learn more about her at TheHelpHUB.co.