Three Women Will Die Today: Why Awareness Without Action Is DeadlyA Survivor’s Call to Action for Domestic Violence Awareness Month

By Victoria Cuore

She’s the quiet woman in the cubicle behind you at your office. Or maybe she was sitting in the pew beside you this past Sunday. Perhaps she will be in line at the grocery store with a smile that doesn’t quite make it up to her eyes. Not because she is trying to be rude, but at that moment, she’s trying to figure out whether today is the day he kills her. And you have no idea, as you stand directly behind her.

Domestic violence won’t ask for permission. It doesn’t wait for the “RIGHT TIME.” And it sure as hell doesn’t limit itself to October. According to the CDC, more than 61 million women and 53 million men in the United States alone have endured psychological violence by an intimate partner. Every year, 12 million Americans are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner. That’s 24 people EVERY minute. Three women in America lose their lives every single day at the hands of someone they once loved.

Beyond the statistics are real faces that we walk past every day: the teacher who hides her bruises under layers of concealer, the coworker who flinches when someone raises their voice, the neighbor who can no longer look you in the eyes when you stop by just to say hi.

October matters because it influences a conversation. But it’s not enough. Awareness without year-round action is like lighting a candle in a hurricane; sure, it flickers, but then it just disappears.

What Domestic Violence Actually Looks Like

Domestic violence is not “A bad relationship.” It’s not always visible. It’s not always physical. It’s a combination of many things, such as control, fear, manipulation, isolation, and so much more. It’s being gradually erased.

Let’s also not forget that there is also economic abuse, where abusers take control of finances, cutting you off from any access to money. Then there’s coercive control, where every choice, from what you wear, who you see, how you parent, who you are allowed to call, and or text, is controlled by someone else.

Do you know when the most dangerous moment is for a victim? It’s when they try to leave. That’s when the threats escalate. When the violence intensifies. When “I love you” turns into “If I can’t have you, no one will.”

I know this, not from statistics or studies, but from living it. I know what it means to rebuild a shattered body that someone else destroyed. I know firsthand the weight of hearing “Why didn’t you just leave?” “Why didn’t you just do whatever he asked?” This is asked of us by people who’ve never had to calculate whether walking out the door means never waking up in the morning. Which would leave our children with the monster who was teaching their sons how to treat their wife or partner, or this monster’s daughters what a “MAN” should do, and or how they should be treated, since that is all these little girls know, since that’s all that they have ever seen from a “MAN.”

And it doesn’t matter what people tell you because anyone looking from the outside doesn’t know what it’s like to walk in our shoes or if we do every single thing the way we are ordered to. And if our abusers still have a bad day. You best believe they’re going to come in and take it out on us, no matter what. So, instead of telling us that we’re not doing right or why we shouldn’t stay or leave, whatever the case may be, take a step back and consider the bigger picture. Listen, be there for us. Let us know that we’re not alone. Let us know that we matter.

Leaving doesn’t mean that you will then be safe. Leaving means gambling everything on the chance that you’ll make it out alive. It means starting from absolute zero, often with no money, no car, no job, and no one left to trust because abusers spend years isolating their victims from anyone who might help.

And then there are the children, the silent witnesses who absorb every scream, every slammed door, every whispered apology that meant absolutely nothing. Studies show that up to 10 million children in the U.S. experience domestic violence in their homes each year. Ten million childhoods stolen. Ten million kids who grow up believing this is what love looks like, violence wrapped in promises, terror disguised as devotion, until someone shows them it’s not. And breaks this horrific cycle of abuse.

Domestic violence doesn’t just destroy one life; it ripples outward. It impacts families, generations, and entire communities. Children raised in abusive homes are more likely to repeat or experience abuse in adulthood. The cycle repeats, generation after generation, until someone finds the strength to shatter it.

Breaking that cycle takes everything you have. It means choosing, every single day, to heal instead of repeating the patterns you learned. It means showing the next generation that strength isn’t pretending you’re not broken; it’s refusing to stay that way. That healing isn’t linear. On some days, the trauma feels fresh, and on other days, you realize you’ve gone hours without remembering.

It’s possible. The cycle can be broken. Generational trauma doesn’t have to be a life sentence. You can take everything that tried to destroy you and build something beautiful from the wreckage.

Community Impact, domestic violence bleeds into everything, draining communities through lost productivity, overwhelmed social services, stretched law enforcement, and shelters that turn away desperate families because there’s simply no room.

But the real cost of doing nothing? Of looking away? Of staying silent? That cost is measured in funerals. In children placed in foster care. In families shattered beyond recognition. In women who never got the chance to become who they were meant to be.

How YOU Can Help: You don’t need a title to make a difference. You just need to care and to act. Believe survivors. Don’t ask, “Why didn’t you leave?” Ask, “How can I help?" Share resources. Offer rides. Cover a meal. Fund a night in a safe hotel. Speak up; silence protects abusers.

For Businesses & Employers, create trauma-informed HR policies that include flexible schedules, safe reporting, and paid leave. Partner with local shelters or advocacy groups. Train managers to recognize warning signs.

For Survivors Ready to Leave, you are not alone. Document everything securely. Build a safety plan with trusted advocates. Find organizations that help with housing, legal aid, therapy, and job training.

Three women will die today. Tomorrow, three more. The day after that, three more.

Unless we stop treating October like it’s enough. Unless we turn awareness into action.

I know what it takes to survive what should have ended you. I know the kind of pain that doesn’t just hurt your body; it rewires your soul. The kind that makes you forget who you were before. The kind that convinces you this is all you deserve.

But I also know this: Surviving is just the beginning. Healing is the work. And none of us should have to do it alone.

Resources like A Contagious Smile Academy (acontagioussmile.mn.co) exist to make sure that when someone finally finds the courage to leave, to heal, to start over, they don’t hit a paywall. Over 130 free courses for survivors, veterans, families, and anyone rebuilding after trauma. Free. Because healing shouldn’t come with a price tag. We’ve already paid the ultimate price.

Thousands have found trauma-informed education, peer-led support, and proof that survival can become something more than just not dying. But this isn’t just about survivors finding resources. This is about all of us choosing to be part of the solution.

Every time you share a resource, you could save a life. Every time you check on someone who’s been acting differently, you might be the only lifeline they have. Every time you refuse to stay silent when you suspect something’s wrong, you become part of the movement that says: not on our watch.

Let October be more than purple ribbons and candlelight vigils. Let it be the month you actually did something because silence kills. But your voice, your action, your refusal to look away, that can save a life. Maybe even the one next door.

If you or someone you know is in danger:

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

You can also text “START” to 88788.

Offer them www.acontagioussmile.mn.co, A place where they can join for free and get free resources and courses.