Vicky Crone

My transformation is one that many women can relate to and yet we’re still fighting. We’re still fighting for the freedom to be a woman. We’re still fighting to be equal as women. We’re still fighting to be safe as women. 

In 2007 when I was just 17 years old, I was groomed by a man that I thought I was entering a romantic relationship with. The control he had of his actions and behaviours during the grooming stage, is the scariest of all. You see, to me and to the outside world, his reasoning was completely normal. Why would anyone argue about him running late? Why would anyone argue that he wasn’t telling the truth when he said he was on his way? Why would anyone not answer the phone when he’d been calling the whole time you were on a flight? But these tactics led to a breakdown of self. A perpetrator of abuse uses these tactics with precision and in total control of their actions and words, to break down the boundaries that keep you safe. They create a vulnerability that only he can soothe, and that’s where he can enjoy inflicting his cruelty, safe in the knowledge that you’re not going anywhere and his needs for this barbarism are satisfied.

For eight solid years I was kept hostage in this relationship and it’s now 17 years that I’ve been fighting. He would wake, sit so close to me he was touching, and speak inhumane words into my ear until he was done and he forced me to have sex with him. This would sometimes go on for 8 hours straight. Psychological abuse. I would wake up to him having sex with me. Sexual abuse. He threatened me with a knife, held me by the throat and punched me. Physical abuse. He would convince me that these situations didn’t happen. Gaslighting. He would force his way into my home through kicking the door down or climbing through windows and would drag me back by my hair if I physically tried to escape. Control and coercion. He stalked me on two separate occasions for months. I couldn’t use my phone because of 4000+ messages and 500+ phone calls per week. Stalking and harassment. He threatened to kill family members and friends. Isolation. 

He controlled when I slept.

I’ve lived in three women’s refuges, had two non-molestation orders and a restraining order in place, had a panic alarm fitted, and two of my three children were born into this abuse and do you know what saved me? 

Me. 

The realization that to ever be free of this suffering, either him or I would have to be dead and if I was going to die, I might as well go out fighting. So I did. I fought for my sense of self. I fought for my children’s freedom and I fought to prove that all women deserve the freedom to choose how to live their lives.  I now teach women sex education.

I believe that sex education is the key. Sex education is allowing a woman to learn and love herself, create healthy boundaries and build self-worth. So to celebrate 10 years since coming out of that third women’s refuge, in 2023 I launched HERintimacy and although predominantly, HERintimacy is a portal for allowing women a comprehensive sex education and a place to express and receive support with pleasure, intimacy, sex and relationships, it is so much more than that.There is nothing more powerful or more pure than a community of women supporting each other through life. 

I’m also writing my book, and I teach women how to go From Abuse to Success, just like I did. This involves taking ownership of your body, emotional well-being, financial well-being and your first healthy relationship. 

Today, I am a happy, healthy, confident mama to three and wife to one with a thriving sex shop too! Namely; Cherrisilk. I am living proof that you absolutely can hit that near-death-rock-bottom, and claw your way back to success.  www.vickycrone.co.uk •  www.cherrisilk.co.uk • LinkedIn: vicky-crone-sex-coach

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