War or Peace?

By Myron Edwards

Such a simple question you would think. But, and, this is only my opinion, War. would seem to be the inherent aspect of our species. Why? good question

From the moment of conception millions of sperm are fighting their way to fertilize the egg, it’s like rush hour on the Piccadilly line when someone spots, an empty seat. Sperm fighting until, the lucky winner hits the spot. Whilst all the others die. Sad

This is of course the normal way of life, right back to the time when we first. stepped out from the water and onto land and became prehistoric people. Even then, there were wars and disputes especially when it came to Macho men, who preferred a club on the head, to divorce, cutting out any

alimony.

Throughout history and no matter where it takes place wars have been the central part of our existence. The bible has some great wars, especially. with people like Samson who slew a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass, fortunately, the ass was dead, imagine swinging your ass around fighting off a thousand Philistine’s.

Fast forward a few centuries, in North America, the land was owned by native tribes, who did not always get along, mainly because of jealousy, because the Mohawk tribe’s haircuts, went for the middle strip and no sides. And with the right accessories, tomahawk, knife, and a nice pair of buck skin shorts, they looked the part. Everyone else wore their hair long, down to their shoulders often with no top, very risqué.

Then came the pilgrims, with their boring somber looking black clothes. and white collars, not ideally suited for a Turkey hunt, a tradition which still happens today, only this time at the supermarket, that is if you can find one.

Moving swiftly on, the major change in England in the 16 th Century was to change names with the Catholic Church, to the Church of England, Henry the Eighth’s pet project, allowing him to divorce, his first wife execute his second, his third died of natural causes , divorce his fourth, execute his fifth and die; during his sixth. He accused the ones he executed of adultery, what a hypocrite the man had more affairs than Mrs. Robinson.

Throughout the ages real wars raged on, sometimes with the French, sometimes with the Spanish or even with themselves. Which actually happened in 1645, this time it was King, Charles the First, who spent so much. money that he bankrupted the country, which brought about the English Civil War; the Puritans under the command of Norfolk farmer Oliver Cromwell, who was as boring as hell, cos he even banned Christmas, yes, they had Scrooge.

even in those days.

I digress, this war was between the Cavaliers gay (Not in its latter day use) but in the vehicular of those times, with their fine plumage of feathers. adorned on their hats and their clothes of satin not ideally situated for a muddy field in the middle of Leicestershire. Compare that to the Roundheads who wore the most boring uniform and the contrast could not be any more obvious.

Round heads who ever thought up that name, because I have never known a head to be square, have you? Anyway they won in the end after five years of battles back and forth. And guess what.

ANOTHER ROYAL LOST HIS HEAD, and not figuratively speaking but Really. Yep, he stepped out of a window in Whitehall and onto the block and chop, chop. No more Royalty. By then his son had fled to France but he came back later and chopped off Cromwell’s head. But that is another story.

Now across the pond about a hundred years later another war was happening. between the Americans and good old Britain, under the flatulent King George 111.Of whom It was said that his waft could be smelt all the way down the corridor, now who does that remind you of?

Anyway, George Washington who would become the first President of the United States led a force down the Delaware River to attack the British, and won. Declaring the United States FREE FROM COLONIAL RULE. I always wondered what would have happened if his boat had sunk. No more Coney Island, or Disneyland, or Hot Dogs perish the thought and as for McDonalds. well do not get me started on that.

So, the States went merrily on its way colonizing as much territory as it could. Of course, there was the slight problem of the Natives who had first dibs on the land. .But these pioneers as they were called needed only one incentive to sort. that out, ‘GO WEST’ my friend.

In this blossoming country, you would think people would try to be nice to each other, not so. There was the small matter of greed. Wealthy landowners who had somehow nicked the land, were now looking for full time employees? where they did not have to pay them much, if anything at all, so they introduced slavery, and for those who did not perform they had a whip round, literally.? This practice continued for a while until a particularly tall., gentleman. with a tall hat decided enough was enough.

To be continued.

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