Monica Marrone
Life with family members who suffer from mental illness and addiction is unpredictable at best and often chaotic and confusing. Anxiety runs high, and the state of perpetual fear of what your loved one may do next becomes the norm. The “Fear Net” analogy came to me a while back as a way to process where I lived my life for many years and the journey I am on toward healing. We travel through life, seeing all the people and events around us, but fear acts as a net keeping us from fully participating. Fear becomes a barrier holding us back from sharing our talents, lives, and love. The net is usually invisible to other people, as we may appear “normal,” but under our net, we are suffering. We are often isolated from those we care about and stifled from moving forward to make changes that may improve our lives. Under this "Fearnet" we learn to dull our emotions in order to survive. We sometimes fall into jealousy because we look out from behind our net of fear and perceive that other people’s lives are perfect. Although the net is a type of bondage, it ironically becomes our go-to place because it is so familiar. It becomes a part of who we are. At times, we reach out to hug, dance, and embrace life, but the net is there, tugging us back into its grasp. It’s our comfortable, uncomfortable place. Sometimes, there is an explosion under the net, and we break through in a moment of anger. The anger volcano would spew out of me in the form of shouting, cursing, slamming doors, breaking dishes, and blaming. Eventually, I would wear myself out and climb under my net, lulling myself to sleep. Sometimes, fear is necessary and a good thing because it helps us avoid harm. I know I can’t eliminate fear from my life, but I don’t have to let it hold me back any further. I have a lot to do, to become, to see, and to give. It's often a matter of taking the next step, which is a leap of faith.
We can't foresee specific outcomes but must move forward with hope, passion, and purpose. I’ve been on a journey of healing from the trauma of mental illness, addiction, and co-dependency in my family of origin and my marriage for many years. It is an ongoing process with many layers of progress. I have found that by sharing my story and my pain, people’s hearts are opened. I usually find that everyone has a story of a family member or friend who has suffered from mental illness or addiction. From my pain comes my passion to inspire others to break through their Fear Net and seek help and healing. My personal goal is to break the generational cycle for our family and help others do the same. You can read more of my story in my chapter Miracle Moments in the She Rises Anthology - You Can You Will. CONNECT WITH MONICA www.yourlimitlesshealth.com
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