Winning on Your Own Terms
- 1 day ago
- 2 min read
By Joanna LaFleur
There was a point in my life when success stopped meaning growth numbers, titles, or how much I could carry. For a long time, I measured success by endurance. How much I could hold together. How many people I could support. How far I could push myself without falling apart. From the outside, it looked impressive. From the inside, it felt like self abandonment.
I spent years running dementia care communities where responsibility was heavy and constant. People’s lives were quite literally in my hands. Every decision mattered. That work taught me how to lead, but it also taught me how easy it is to disappear inside what you are responsible for. I was praised for being strong, capable, and reliable while slowly losing myself.
I once read a quote that said, “Even if you lose yourself doing good work, you’re still losing yourself.” That sentence stopped me cold. It forced me to look honestly at my life. I was doing meaningful work, but I was disconnected from my body, my needs, and my inner life. I was giving everything I had and calling it success.
The shift came when I realized that winning at the expense of my own nervous system was not actually a win. I could be helping others and still feel empty. I could be productive and still feel depleted. At some point, success stopped feeling like achievement and started feeling like survival.
Today, success looks very different. The win that matters most to me is when I feel at peace in my own body. When I am not bracing. When I am not operating from urgency or guilt. When I can show up to my work and my relationships without abandoning myself to do it.
I now measure success by whether my giving is sustainable. Can I support others and still care for myself? Can I contribute without burning myself down? Can I say no without spiraling? Can I disappoint people without betraying myself? That internal shift changed everything.
There is a quiet strength in choosing yourself, especially when it makes others uncomfortable. As women, we are taught to read the room first and ourselves last. We learn to be agreeable, capable, and self sacrificing. Redefining success for me meant being willing to disappoint everyone else in the room if it meant staying aligned with myself.
The internal win I am most proud of is learning to listen to my body before it forces me to listen. Rest no longer feels like weakness. Boundaries no longer feel like failure. Slowing down no longer feels like quitting. Those changes did not come from ambition. They came from honesty.
I believe many women are measuring wins differently now because we have seen what the old definition costs. Burnout. Anxiety. Disconnection. We are choosing peace, presence, and sustainability over applause. We are choosing lives that feel livable, not just impressive.
For me, success now is quieter. It is grounded. It is regulated. It is being able to give generously without losing myself in the process. It is going to bed at peace with my choices. That is the win I protect the most.
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