You Don’t Need Confidence, You Need Permission
- Nov 6
- 3 min read
By Brandi Oldham
For years, I thought confidence was the secret ingredient I was missing. If only I felt more confident, I could speak up in meetings. If only I had more confidence, I could ask for the raise. If only I believed in myself a little harder, maybe I wouldn’t feel like such an outsider.
But here’s what I know now: waiting for confidence is a trap. Confidence doesn’t come first, choice does. Permission does. The courage to say I matter enough to move is what creates confidence, not the other way around.
I learned this lesson the hard way.
I grew up the daughter of a truck driver and a grocery store worker. Hard work was the default setting in our house, but when I walked into corporate spaces, I often felt like I had stepped into a world that wasn’t built for me. I was usually the youngest in the room, often the only woman, and almost always carrying the weight of proving I belonged.
From the outside, my career looked solid. I had climbed into leadership, managed teams, and eventually moved into HR. I was earning a good salary and had a clear path ahead. But inside, I was exhausted. I had checked every box and still felt like something was missing.
The truth hit me in the middle of burnout: I wasn’t living my life - I was living by someone else’s rules. And no amount of confidence was going to fix that. What I needed was permission. Permission to stop pretending “fine” was enough. Permission to let go of other people’s definitions of success. Permission to start writing my own.
That moment didn’t come with fireworks. It came with shaky hands and a terrifying decision: to walk away from the six-figure job I had worked so hard to get. But in choosing myself, I unlocked a freedom I had never felt before. That choice became the spark for Talent Career Coaching, and eventually, for my podcast, Careers Unchecked: Stop Checking Boxes, Start Making Moves.
The podcast was born from that same restless question I had asked myself: Is this really it? And it became a place to tell the truth about the messy middle of building a life and career that actually feels like your own. Not highlight reels. Not polished “how-to’s.” Real stories. Real pivots. Real permission to try, stumble, and still move forward.
And here’s the part I want every woman to hear: you don’t need confidence to begin. You need permission to start where you are. Permission to take a half-step instead of a leap. Permission to want more (or less) than hustle culture says you should.
Over and over, I’ve seen women change their lives with that kind of permission. The client who finally asked for the raise she had quietly earned ten times over. The mom who stepped back into the workforce with a role that honored both her skills and her family. The listener who started her side hustle after a layoff, inspired by one podcast episode. None of them waited to feel fearless. They moved first. The confidence came later.
So if you’re waiting until you feel ready, this is your reminder: you don’t need to. You already belong. You already matter. And you already have everything you need to take the next step, even if your voice shakes while you do it.
Confidence will meet you on the other side of permission.
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