At Rocky Road Bottom

By S.E. Tschritter

My husband of fifteen years died when we were thirty-eight years old. I no longer had time to exercise because I double-parented. I worked full time. My heart ached with a pain that wouldn’t dissipate. At the end of the night when the girls went to bed, I rewarded myself for surviving the day with food, sometimes ice cream, usually cheesecake. Food felt good. Within months, I gained over fifty pounds of grief-weight to my already overweight frame.

The trigger for me, my Rocky Road bottom, was when I encroached upon the 300-pound number flip on the scale. The possibility of turning that two into a three hit me like a jolt of electricity.

For me, it started with awareness of my habits. From there, I made significant changes. I stopped taking an anti-anxiety medication that caused weight gain—which led to anxiety—and immediately lost twenty pounds. Then I started exercising with friends. Tortoise-paced jogs that eventually turned into HIIT four times a week. I still snacked at night, but less quantity and healthier choices. I moved more. 

In January of 2022 I started a weight loss journey and one year later I’d lost over 50 lbs. I came within five pounds of my goal weight, experienced significant life change, and fifteen pounds to go with it, and that’s where I’ve been stuck ever since. 

Whatever your New Year’s resolutions might have been, whatever bad habits you’ve slipped back into, I have felt similar frustrations. If you are anything like me, then you are your biggest critic. Every morning, I wake up and think, “today is the day!” And then I get out of bed. Or, I’ll do great at weight loss for a week or two and then “treat myself,” thereby sabotaging my own progress. 

I wrote this poem in the height of my weight loss journey and I hope it inspires you.

Normal Fishies Eat Treats 

You are a salmon swimming upstream

With strength to fight the current toward an ocean of dreams Yet you see as you swim, from the corner of your eye,

Fish who are happy, just floating by.

You remember how it felt to be like them, To eat whatever, whenever, again and again.

You feel left out. You think, “I deserve rewards for a day.” You forget that days became decades.

You want the yummy and the sweet

You want to feel normal and normal fishies eat treats. You forget that you fit into smaller scales

You take for granted how you feel when you prevail.

You quickly remember eating whatever you wish Makes you blow up like a pufferfish,

And saying no to unhealth grants unbelievable power To accomplish feats others only hope to aspire.

Piranhas that entice you to eat what they eat

Want to drag you to the deep. They want you to sink. Because your healthy choices shine light on them, They’d rather watch you fall then rise for the win. 

Stop. Stroke back and listen for your angelfish Who’s chanting, “Don’t quit. You’re amazing. You’ve got this.”

And think of all the salmon swimming in your lane 

Who want what you want

and cheer you toward change.

You’ve got this, friend. Let’s see it through.

It’s not easy for me, either, but I’m right next to you.

Here are five of the easiest lifestyle tweaks that helped me lose weight:

• Drink 60-plus of water a day—you’ll feel like you’re drowning yourself, but if you keep up with it, your body will flush away toxins, sugars, and other waste.

• Recognize the difference between eating to nourish yourself and boredom/ emotional support 

• Join a gym—for fun. The people I took classes with became my friends.

• Buy a pair of “motivation” pants just one size smaller. Hang them somewhere where you can see them every day.

• Love yourself. My grief, how I felt on the inside, reflected itself in my appearance. Work on yourself on the inside, too. 

A victorious moment: 

I’d started online dating prior to my significant weight loss. I went on a hike with a guy who actually made a reminiscent comment about how great his ex-girlfriend looked while we were out together! There was no second date. 

About five months later, I passed him in the gym and he did a double take. 

Mic drop.

I smirked at him and kept walking. I was already dating my now-husband at that time—someone who loved me for me. 

I am rooting for you and your mic-drop moment. You’re beautiful, woman. I believe in you. You’ve got this.

If you enjoyed “Normal Fishes Eat Treats,” and you want to read more poetry by S. E. Tschritter, be sure to grab her book, She Told Them They Were Loved, off Amazon. 

Connect With S.E. www.loveunedited.com

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