Breaking the Mold: Defining Leaders on Their Own Terms

By Tonie Reincke, MD

Leadership, especially in the medical realm, is frequently rooted in control, conformity, and hierarchy. Over thirty two years ago, I started my career in healthcare as a registered nurse. From my first day, I felt the subtle (and sometimes blatant) pressure to “fall in line,” not just in clinical practice, but in how I was expected to lead, or more accurately, follow.

As I advanced- from RN, to Physician Assistant (PA-C), and ultimately to Medical Doctor (MD)-the expectations around leadership became exponentially harder. The higher I climbed on the totem pole, the more toxic and rigid the leadership culture became. What was once passive-aggressive commentary in meetings became flagrant power plays and manipulation under the guise of professionalism.

Medical training and professional advancement are often viewed as rites of passage, and to some extent they are. But they also demand a profound conformity that is deeply entrenched in unhealthy leadership models. Many of us are trained to believe that being a great leader encompasses being infallible, wielding total control, and self-sacrificing to a fault.

What I failed to realize early in my medical career was that this mold wasn’t just antiquated-it was toxic. I watched colleagues and mentors burn out, lash out, and check out entirely. The “strongest” leaders tended to also be the most “emotionally distant”, inflexible, and cut-throat. Like any malignant cycle, this was passed down and became a distorted ideal behavior to emulate.

Breaking this venomous mold of leadership, that I had experienced throughout all of my medical education and training, was not accidental. It was a very conscious and deliberate decision. I came to a point where I realized that if I continued following these examples I had been given, I’d lose the part of me I respect the most.

The decision to redefine leadership for myself was difficult and lengthy. It required deep self reflection and a willingness to question everything I had been taught about what it means to be a strong leader. More importantly, it required an amazing courage to carve out a path that had no set framework.

In 2014, I enrolled in a leadership development course- not because I wanted to climb the medical ranks, but because I wanted to be a better leader. This was my first formal step toward cultivating a leadership style anchored in emotional intelligence, collaboration, and authenticity. The intensive course provided me with tools and language I had never had in my formal training. Above all, it gave me permission to lead as myself.

A decade later, I participated in the Lead Her Summit. This experience was both affirming and transformative. It brought together professional women from diverse fields, each with their own story of challenging convention to lead authentically. At the summit, I was no longer the exception-I was the norm. That experience was absolutely liberating and showed me that strong leadership does not have to be cold and lacking empathy. I was ecstatic to listen to so many stories of other women who also had rejected a tyrannical style of leading.

Today, I define leadership not by how many people I manage or how many accolades I earn, but by how well I create a space for others to thrive. I lead by listening and asking questions for clarity. I don’t pretend to have all the answers and readily acknowledge this. I lead by empowering my staff and patients to have a voice and share their perspectives.

Redefining leadership on my terms has allowed me to lead from a vantage point that is compassionate and impactful. It has also helped me build the type of work environment that I have always wanted to work in- one that supports growth rather than demands sacrifice.

If you are reading this and feeling the weight of a leadership model that does not suit you, I encourage you to take the steps to break the cycle. You do not have to lead as you were led. It’s liberating to dispose of unhealthy behaviors that belittle you and left you feeling burned out.

Certainly, there is no one right way to lead- but there is your way. The sooner we recognize and embrace this, the sooner we can begin to create healthy workspaces, teams, and environments where leadership is a source of empowerment and healing rather than harm.

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