Finding HER: How I Stopped Dressing My 25-Year-Old Body

By Lianca Lyons

I used to know exactly how to get dressed. Then Covid happened.

Like a lot of women, I spent two years in sweats, Crocs, and Birkenstocks, nowhere to be and no one to dress for. Then sourdough and stillness brought the "Quarantine 15" except I already had 15 to lose, which made it 30. What I didn't know at the time was that it was the beginning of perimenopause. My body was fighting itself from the inside and comfort wasn't laziness, it was survival. When the world finally opened back up, every outfit decision came down to two questions: is this going to make me spontaneously combust? And is my body too exhausted for this? When it was time to put on heels again, my feet had genuinely forgotten what to do. The muscle memory was gone. When Law Roach said "these girls today could never," he was absolutely talking about me. That season of comfort and chaos had quietly disconnected me from my own sense of style and I didn't even notice.

Near the end of the pandemic, the internet was saturated with one question: who is your higher self, and what does she look like? On New Year's Day 2024, I decided to actually answer it and I made a list. SHE had a personal trainer. Monthly facials for glass skin. Natural lash extensions. Botox and PRF under-eye injections. In the Black community, injectables carry a certain stigma, but I had an annoying crease between my brows that was becoming permanent and I wanted it gone. Anti-aging is about trying to stay young. Aging gracefully is about becoming fine wine. I chose the wine.

A few months passed and I decided to become Beyoncé blonde and temporarily renamed myself Liance. It was a jumpscare in hindsight, but her loud, bold, and extraness needed to exist to lighten the mood of a heavy season. My mother had unexpectedly passed six months prior and grief made me do it. Thankfully I found my hair uniform: natural dark hair worn in one of four ways, low bun, low pony, top knot, shoulder-length straight, with boho braids making a guest appearance during summer. SHE felt Parisian chic. Understated but intentional. The kind of woman who looks like she has somewhere interesting to be and didn't try too hard getting there.

But perimenopause had other plans. The exhaustion and burnout were relentless and I abandoned style completely. Always Being Cute had left the building. I had unknowingly become a card carrying member of the We Do Not Care Club (IYKYK). But deep down, I DID care. I just didn't have the capacity. And somewhere up above, my mother was looking me up and down with full disappointment. She raised me better than leggings and a tee.

I had refined nearly everything: fitness (yes, I lost the 30, plus 10), skin, hair, but the last piece of the puzzle was my personal style. My wardrobe hadn't gotten the memo. I was dressing a mid-40s body, reshaped by perimenopause, weight gain (then loss), and time, with a mid-20s mindset. I had forgotten to update that file. 

My style mantra had always been to highlight your best feature and no one notices the rest. But I had given that one feature so much authority over my style that without it commanding the room, I didn't feel sexy. It was time to let my personal style lead instead of letting my body parts make the decisions, but I had no idea where to start. My wardrobe was still sending emails to an old address. I had to reckon with the fact that dressing out of habit and nostalgia was working against the woman I was working so hard to become. Finding HER helped me find me.

How to Find HER

• Like Nike, Just Do It: Whatever you've always wanted to try, try it. If Liance taught me anything, the overcorrection is sometimes necessary information.

• Chase Fit, Ignore Sizing: A garment that fits your actual body will always look better than one that fits the body you used to have. And for the love of God, please become besties with a tailor.

• Define Your Style Mantra: Ask yourself how you want to feel when you look in the mirror. In my 20s I wanted to feel sexy. Now, almost 50, dressing chic makes me feel sexy.

• ChatGPT Color Analysis: Stop choosing the same wrong shade of beige you've been wearing for fifteen years. A color analysis helps you learn what actually makes you look alive, rested, and radiant. It saves money, simplifies shopping, and helps you build a signature look.

• Dress the Woman You Are Right Now: Don't save the good stuff for your future self. SHE can only BECOME when your present self shows up fully.

Connect With Lianca

www.instagram.com/liancalyons