Living Beyond Pretty: How I’m Shifting My Focus In A Social Media Driven Age
- Feb 10
- 3 min read
By Sumaira Ahmed
I am a 34 year old mother of 2 girls aged 4 and 7, who in an increasingly digital world, is aware and concerned for my own as well as my children's confidence, self-esteem and overall physical and mental well-being. My daughters ask me if they look pretty. I know they see images online and on TV and compare themselves. I went through the same feelings and concerns growing up too. Do I look beautiful? Am I fat? Am I good enough? Will anybody love me? Throughout my youth and even into my adulthood, I was in constant need of external validation. I learnt after having my girls that I need to be ok with myself first to be able to model the same for them. Self Love is hard, so I’m beginning with self-acceptance.
I worked hard throughout school, University, jobs - all piling on the stress while leaving me unfulfilled, dropping my confidence and burning me out. I kept thinking I wasn't good enough (and there were enough critics on the way to tell me so). So what was missing?
Life lessons and mindset! I've learnt that people talk - a lot - mainly to make themselves feel better. But their words, actions and choices are not a reflection of me - rather themselves. I taught myself to let go (not perfect at this yet but getting better), to let people say what they want without taking too much to heart and to focus on the things that would build my own confidence and happiness instead.
And this was actually the turning point for me - where I realised I needed a tool to help not only remind me in a simple and loving way, but to also guide my daughters, so that their futures were not a repeat of mine. I want them to be stronger, happier, more resilient, brave and even bolder than I was and am. I can see they are on that journey, but bumps await ahead. So, for those moments, I wrote a children's book titled You're Pretty Amazing. It's a rhyming picture book that teaches children (and the parents/carers/educators/adults in their lives) that there is so much more to being pretty than what's on the outside and that they can be pretty in many other ways - when they grow their inner character, values and light and just look within - such as Pretty Brave, Pretty Wise, Pretty Trustworthy, Pretty Great Listener, Pretty Resilient and so much more!
Did you know that assisting others boosts self-esteem and self-efficacy (a belief in one's ability to succeed), which are key components of confidence? Also, practicing kindness often involves self-compassion, which a 2015 study published in the Journal of Personality found is strongly linked to self-confidence and emotional stability. Finally, research indicates that successfully navigating difficult situations reinforces our belief in our own capabilities and endurance, directly enhancing our sense of resilience and, by extension, our confidence.
These actions create a positive feedback loop in our brains: positive behaviors lead to successful outcomes increasing our self-worth, further reinforcing our confidence and thus desire to continue.
So, if you catch your children (or even yourself) asking if they are pretty, tying their self-worth to their outer appearance and other people's approval or even worrying about their social media presence, likes, followers, comments and fitting in with peers (expectations and opinions), then I empathise with you and want you to know that this book I wrote is for you. It's the first step in many loving conversations that will help bring us all back to what really matters - the real us!
Connect With Sumaira
Instagram: @giantolivetreebookhouse
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