Rebuilding Love, Restoring Trust: The Transformational Work of Dee Tozer
- 4 hours ago
- 6 min read
By She Rises Studios Editorial Team
In a world where relationships can break as quickly as they begin, Dee Tozer stands as a symbol of hope and healing. Known globally as The Couples Master Coach, she has spent more than three decades helping couples in deep crisis find their way back to connection, trust, and lasting love. With compassion, precision, and a lifetime of experience, she has guided over 6,000 couples from the brink of collapse back into secure, thriving togetherness.
Dee’s work is not just professional; it is profoundly personal. Having survived the pain of two divorces caused by betrayal, she has transformed her own heartbreak into a mission to help others rebuild.
“My own personal experiences provided me with particular insights into what is going on for the spouse who is unfaithful and whether there was potential, hope, to repair the relationship and marriage,” she says. “My ultimate goal was always to keep the family securely together so the children didn’t suffer from the ensuing breakup and divorce.” That mission became the foundation of a career dedicated to guiding couples through some of life’s most difficult emotional terrain. Her clients, often high-performing professionals, executives, and public figures, come to her seeking clarity and relief. Many arrive on the edge of separation, convinced that recovery is impossible.
What they find instead is a process that balances empathy with structure and science with heart.
Over the course of her thirty years of practice, Dee has discovered that the reasons relationships fail are rarely about one major event. Beneath betrayal, miscommunication, or resentment lies something more insidious. “If we put infidelity aside and look at the main reason relationships fail, I say it’s disapproval,” she explains. “That is ongoing, repetitive disapproval of one spouse to the other or two-way, as in both spouses showing disapproval frequently. Disapproval destroys desire, it feels like rejection, and either one or both spouses shut down. Affection disappears, disconnection becomes the norm, and they don’t know how to get back to warmth and caring.” To her, disapproval is the quiet killer of relationships. It drains intimacy and creates emotional distance long before infidelity or separation ever occur. Much of her work begins with identifying and reversing that pattern, teaching couples to rebuild warmth and safety through understanding, not criticism.
When infidelity does occur, Dee approaches the process of healing with precision and compassion. “My approach is focused on restoring reassuring certainty,” she says. “This means the unfaithful spouse learns to show unwavering commitment to their repair by validating the hurt partner’s insecurity and questioning. They learn that speaking the truth is crucial, and they learn how to speak it without attacks and without avoidance.” Trust, she believes, is not simply rebuilt through time, but through consistent truthfulness and emotional validation. It requires both partners to confront discomfort with honesty and patience. “When couples understand that truth and transparency are acts of love, that’s when they begin to heal,” she explains.
The heart of Dee’s work is her renowned 90-Day Optimal Repair Intensive, a structured yet deeply personal program that has helped thousands of couples recover and rebuild. “Essentially, both husband and wife, or both partners, must want to repair and rebuild,” she says. “Each partner or spouse does an individual session with me every week and they do a joint couples session every week as well. On top of this, they can do short safety net voice calls with me, as many as they want on business days.” That accessibility allows her clients to process their emotions without turning them into weapons. “It provides the opportunity to sort through their grief, their anger, and their emotions without firing at each other,” she explains. “I use a carefully curated technique to help them stabilize in the first few weeks. Overlapping with this are the steps to repair and rebuild. It is the combination of all of the above that drives the high success rate.” Her clients often describe the process as life-changing. Dee’s results speak for themselves, with her program achieving a success rate of more than 94 percent, one of the highest in her field.
What makes Dee’s approach so effective is her ability to tailor her methods to each couple’s needs. She blends the best aspects of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Method, and Relational Life Therapy, using her clinical intuition to determine what will resonate most. “Each modality has valuable differentiating aspects, and I draw on and blend the various parts of each modality that my long experience indicates will be the most effective for their situation, their respective personalities, learning style, and life history,” she says. That individualized care is especially important for the high-achieving professionals and public figures who make up much of her clientele.
“In my opinion, the main challenge for both high-performing professionals and public figures is living in the spotlight, whether it’s the corporate spotlight or the public spotlight,” she explains. “Balancing the pressure to achieve, the judgment of others, and the relentless focus on performance with the emotional needs of their spouse, their family, and their own emotional needs is really tough. Much of my process involves bringing this balance to the couple’s togetherness.”
Having lived through betrayal and heartbreak herself, Dee connects with her clients on a level that most practitioners cannot. “I relate well to their distress,” she says. “I see aspects that have not been noticed or ever addressed even if they have had a substantial amount of couples therapy. It could be said that I read between the lines and ask crucial questions like, ‘What will Thanksgiving, Christmas, celebrations, and birthdays look like if you divorce?’” Her insight is especially valuable to clients in the public eye, where every move can attract attention. “Urgency is crucial before the media latch on to their situation and turn it into a media frenzy,” she says. “I encourage everyone to reach out for help even if they’re uncertain if they want help, or if they feel embarrassed to reach out.” Confidentiality, she adds, is essential. “Discretion goes without saying. Staying under the radar while it’s worked through is essential.”
When asked what determines whether couples truly recover after betrayal, Dee offers two clear factors. “I see it as two factors, not one,” she says. “Factor one is the resilience that comes with sound emotional intelligence, and factor two is whether egotism can be modified. My process embraces strengthening resilience in parallel with aligning and rebalancing ego states.” Her work focuses on helping couples grow emotionally intelligent together, replacing defensiveness with empathy and pride with humility. “When both partners are willing to look inward and evolve, that’s when transformation happens,” she explains.
Looking ahead, Dee envisions a shift in how couples approach therapy itself. “I would strongly support a shift where couples therapy becomes more aligned with relationship coaching,” she says. “This would mean more emphasis is placed on the desired end goal by applying coaching techniques which would avert and eliminate driving greater resentment. This would be showing couples how to approach the crisis for repair and healing instead of repeatedly focusing on why it happened and staying stuck there, in the blame and shame cycle.” She believes this coaching-forward approach leads to faster, more meaningful outcomes. “Coaching is shorter and more meaningful in moving forward,” she says. “Going your own way seems easier until it isn’t. Especially where children are involved or where a family business is part of the interactions. The pain can go on for years and years, when a few weeks of coaching can turn it all around and bring a couple into a loving togetherness.”
Dee Tozer’s career is built on compassion, science, and unwavering belief in the power of love to heal. Every couple she helps represents more than a statistic. They are a testament to the idea that with the right tools, patience, and understanding, even the deepest wounds can be repaired. Her work has saved marriages, reunited families, and given people the courage to face pain with honesty.
But perhaps her greatest legacy lies in the message she lives every day: that connection is possible, no matter how broken things may seem. With over 30 years of experience, 6,000 couples guided, and a lifetime of empathy earned through personal struggle, Dee Tozer continues to redefine what it means to rebuild after heartbreak. Her story is not just one of professional mastery, but of a woman who turned pain into purpose and built a life devoted to helping others do the same.
Connect With Dee
Instagram: @couples_master_coach
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