Stepping Into My Power
- Oct 3
- 3 min read
By Maria Natapov
For sixteen years, I stayed in my first real romantic relationship. It was both emotionally and physically abusive, and eventually turned into a marriage. In the years leading up to our divorce, I remember feeling this deep heaviness inside me. It wasn’t just sadness, it was a pit in my stomach that felt toxic, like it was slowly making me sick. There were moments when it felt like I was carrying around a secret weight that no one else could see, but I couldn’t put it down.
Even on the good days, when we weren’t fighting, that feeling was still there. It was a quiet hum in the background of my life, always reminding me that something was profoundly wrong. I couldn’t escape it.
And here’s the truth that landed the hardest: no one was coming to save me. Not a knight in shining armor, not some miracle moment where everything would suddenly get better. If my life was going to change, it had to start with me.
That realization was both terrifying and freeing. Terrifying, because I felt so disconnected from myself, from my intuition, my voice, my sense of who I even was anymore. That disconnection didn’t start with him, though. It had taken root long before this relationship, shaped by cultural expectations and family dynamics that taught me to silence my needs and make myself small.
But in that moment, I made a decision: I wanted my voice back. I wanted to feel like me again.
I started small. I began listening inward, even when what I heard was uncomfortable. I noticed what my body was trying to tell me - the knots in my stomach, the tightness in my chest, the shallow way I’d sometimes breathe when I felt trapped. And instead of pushing those signals away, I started honoring them. I practiced saying “no” when I meant no. I tested boundaries I’d never dared to set before. And slowly, something started to shift.
Each time I chose to honor myself, I got a little stronger. A little braver. And eventually, I had the courage to leave.
Leaving was terrifying, but also the most freeing breath I had taken in years. It was like finally stepping into the sunlight after being in a dark cave for far too long.
That choice changed everything. Today, I’m married to a man who truly sees me and celebrates me. Together, we’re raising his daughter - now our daughter, through adoption. We’ve created a family grounded in love, respect, and connection. A family where each of us can be fully ourselves and feel safe doing so.
But my journey doesn’t stop there. Reclaiming my voice inspired me to help others do the same. I became a coach for stepparents and divorced parents because I know how high the stakes are when kids are involved. I know what it feels like to be stuck in conflict, to feel invisible, to wonder if things will ever change. And I also know what’s possible when we choose to listen inward, lead with love, and build something different.
My defining moment was the day I stopped waiting to be rescued and realized I could rescue myself. That was the doorway to everything that came after. I chose freedom from abuse, yes, but more than that: freedom to step fully into the leader, partner, mother, and guide I was always meant to be.
About the Author
Maria Natapov, founder of Synergistic Stepparenting, Certified BeH2O® Co-Parenting Coach, and Vice Chair of The Sparrow Collective, empowering divorced parents and stepparents to create thriving families grounded in respect, harmony, and purpose.
Connect With Maria
Comments