Turning pain into purpose: A mother’s mission to break the cycle of trauma
- 4 hours ago
- 4 min read
By Shari B. Kaplan, LCSW
Back in 2007, my children were assaulted by my nanny’s 13-year-old son. It was clear to me that he had been assaulted after their visit to their country over Christmas break. His mother had explained to me that his behavior had changed, and she attributed it to her working too many hours between my family and others.
To say the least, I was devastated when my two-year-old and four-year-old started to reenact their crime as I walked into the room.
When I asked them what happened and where they learned this, they told me the boy who did it and what he had done. My life has never been the same since that day.
I knew it was a race to the finish to try to help them heal, as they were young enough for this to be a transformative experience that could have affected their personality development. It was an experience that seemed to have happened on three occasions.
Unfortunately, the legal system failed, as it has for many, not even completing their investigation properly. But who has time to deal with that when your children are suffering and you need a solution? Thank goodness I was a clinician and I knew how to pull together a protocol that would help. I called upon all my colleagues that I had worked with and shared that I needed their help. We used EMDR, acupuncture, tuning forks, movement, qi gong, yoga, Krav Maga, nutrition, fitness exercises, neurodynamic exercises, and a lot of time together, helping them feel safe. It took about a year and a half before my children turned the corner, and many years before they moved on.
I myself continue to have to work through fears that pop up from time to time.
Truth be told, as I helped my children heal with my team of experts, I didn’t know how I was going to move forward with my life. The pain weighed me down. People asked me how I got through it. I’ve been meditating since I was 11 years old, and I believe in a life force. Every day from the moment that they told me what happened, I would envision the life force of the universe in the form of white light flowing through my body and sustaining me as I moved through the next day. I would use this image every morning and every night and throughout the day. I would not allow thoughts to come into my mind regarding their assault, and I would just flush it out with white light. Once a week, I would go for acupuncture to decrease my stress related symptoms, and I exercised daily and took care of my nutrition.
My colleagues told me that I should sue the nanny so that I could make a case out of it in civil court. I didn’t think that would make much of a difference, and I had to focus on my children’s well-being, as I am their only parent.
What was more important to me was stopping the cycle of violence. And in order to do that, the easiest way would be to treat the survivors. The reason that you treat the survivors is because survivors either reenact their crimes or continue to be victims to the same type of crimes.
That is when I opened The Can’t Tell Foundation treatment center. Not knowing that Florida did not have day treatment for mental health covered by insurance, the center failed, but the foundation stayed alive. I have taken all my proceeds from my practice beyond what paid the general expenses and have put it into the foundation so that we could pay for treatment for people who can’t afford it. We have also taken in donations to help pay for treatment for those who can’t afford it.
As more integrative and holistic modalities have become available, we have created a new center called Cannectd Wellness. Now that Florida does allow for insurances to pay for day treatment mental health, we have created a new program which includes functional medicine and additional integrative modalities of treatment. We provide treatment to individuals who are trying to overcome chronic or traumatic stress, mental and behavioral health disorders, and chronic pain. Our individual treatment is for people of all ages, from children to adults. Our group work is targeted for 18- to 30-year-olds who are struggling to launch into their adult lives.
Overcoming traumatic stress, mental and behavioral health challenges, and chronic pain or illnesses needs a mind-body approach. Our spiritual beliefs are also a part of this. Our spiritual beliefs are about how we believe we are supported by nature or a divine force in the universe. As a person is healing, it is important to pull on all aspects of their strengths, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Whether we are using cognitive behavioral therapy, Internal Family Systems, ego state psychology, EMDR, experiential work, drumming, circles, music and movement, exercise, nutrition, or any other modality, our team of clinicians is incorporating the mind-body-functional-spirituality approach when working with our patients.
The timing and interweaving of these holistic modalities of treatment and the safety that our treatment team provides offers our patients a sacred space to do their healing.
There are good help out here who can help. Find them. don’t ever give up. We all have the capacity to heal with the right help.
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