We all have a book in us
- Nov 21
- 3 min read
By Angela Killian
My writing journey began in college after breaking up with my first love, James. I had moved away from all my family in Texas to get my residency in Florida so I could attend the same university as him and get married once we’d both graduated. I was devastated when things ended, but stuck to my out-of-state college plan, minus James. I was in physical and mental agony over the breakup and discovered how words and thoughts flowed through me after a few glasses of boxed wine, as if I was a vessel for all these feelings and observations about my predicament.
Since then, journalling has become highly therapeutic for me and has helped me manage my anxieties and fears about life. I can always reframe my thoughts and reorganize my chaotic plans once I start writing about it. It’s also been a way to reflect on the world and people all around me. I’ve heard many writers call this a “flow state” and it really is. Everything comes flowing through you freely and you express things that you didn’t know were inside of you.
I succeeded at obtaining my bachelor’s degree from the University of Central Florida, but instead of getting married to James, I moved to Thailand to teach English for “one year”. It was never going to be just “one year”, but that’s how I sold the idea to my family, who were still asking when I was going to move back to Texas.
Thailand was the biggest adventure of my life up to that point, but it was also shocking and had so many lonely and sad layers to it. I completely lost my sense of self while living there and in the best way. Through my journaling, I discovered that I wasn’t who I thought I was and that I had yet to figure out what my real purpose in life was. I started to admire the Thai culture and different ways of thinking through Buddhist teachings.
I started reading books on spirituality and couldn’t believe how much it all resonated with me, as if I had always known this information somewhere deep inside. Yet, nobody had ever taught it to me before.
I wrote in my journals constantly while living in Thailand and travelling around Asia and continued once I moved to Australia for a Work and Holiday Visa. I often wrote the words, “I’m going to write a book one day”. I don’t recognize the girl who wrote many of those journals and I’m ashamed by some of my thoughts and how I allowed myself to be treated back then. But it’s part of my story and many women will relate to the obstacles in life I have faced.
I didn’t realize that I had been documenting and reporting on my life experiences in all those journals so that I could share them with the world in my memoir. I didn’t remember half of what I wrote over the years and totally blocked out some of the traumatic parts. As my grandma would say, “you never know when you’re making a memory” and this sentiment applies to journaling too. You never know when you’re writing a book.
If you’re drawn to writing, don’t be scared to fail. You will fail and some of the things you write will be total shit. But some of it will be genius, inspiring and beautiful. We all have a book in us. Now is your time to start writing it.
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