When God took the Pen Back
- Jan 5
- 3 min read
By Ali (Alison) Levine
“God loves messy drafts, He actually specializes in rewrites.”
I used to think success was something you could write into existence.
Every journal entry, every headline, every post was another line in the story I thought I was authoring it all. It was one of hustle, validation, and striving. On paper, it looked like a dream. Inside, I was unraveling.
When my grandmother passed away, the grief cracked something open in me. I started journaling again, not from peace, but from desperation. I was searching for meaning, for healing, for anything that would stop the ache. That search eventually led me into self-help and New Age spirituality, where I believed I could “manifest” my purpose.
But what I was really doing was trying to control the pain.
I didn’t understand surrender until I completely broke.
After the traumatic birth of my first daughter and the deep shadow of postpartum depression, all my words failed me. The affirmations. The mantras. The manifestation journals. None of them brought peace. I remember crying out to God one night, “If You’re real, help me.”
And He did. Not with thunder or a sermon, but with breath. With peace. With presence.
That night, something in me shifted. God began showing me that I’d been writing my life with ink that could never last. He was asking me to hand Him the pen, to let Him author what I had been trying so hard to edit.
That realization changed everything about how I write.
I no longer write to perform, impress, or produce. I write to remember — who He is, who I am, and how He redeems even the messiest drafts. Writing became my worship, my healing, my way of breathing with Him.
When I started writing my book The Sacred Breath, it wasn’t about breathwork or healing anymore. It was about His breath — the Spirit that filled my lungs when I had nothing left. The same Spirit that now guides my words. I realized my purpose wasn’t to write stories about my strength, but to testify to His.
If you’re reading this and wondering if your story matters, it does.
Maybe you’ve been silenced by shame, perfectionism, or the fear that it’s all too messy to share. But here’s what I’ve learned: God loves messy drafts. He specializes in rewrites. He doesn’t waste a single line of what you’ve lived through. The pages you’d rather rip out are often the very ones He uses to set someone else free.
Because the truth is, our mess is His message. The parts we hide are often the very parts He uses to heal others. Every line, every tear, every rewrite is part of the beautiful story He’s been authoring all along.
So don’t give up. Pick up your pen again even if your hands are shaking or you feel like you don’t have the strength.
Write the testimony you never thought you’d tell. Write the prayer you’ve been afraid to pray out loud. Write the story that still feels unfinished.
Because when you hand your story back to Him, it becomes more than words on a page, it becomes ministry. It becomes impact.
I used to think I was writing my purpose into existence.
Now I know the Author had already written it, I just needed to stop trying to hold the pen.
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