When personal pleasure invokes a true leader
- Aug 26
- 3 min read
By Kris Vallay
Kris Vallay (KV) is the author of The One, co-host of the Sex and the One podcast, and a fearless advocate for women owning their stories, pleasure, and power. A solo parent of four neurodivergent children, she blends raw honesty with humour and depth to challenge outdated narratives around womanhood and self-worth. Her mission is to help women reclaim their voice and rewrite the rules on what it means to lead.
For KV, legacy means leaving behind a world where women are no longer shackled by shame, especially around their bodies, pleasure, and personal power. Through her memoir (The One) she shares her dating and sexual experiences vulnerably and completely. To get a snapshot of the book, picture all of the things you might have fantasised about doing sexually, add in some of your hardest dating and relationship moments, feel every emotion possible, and then span it five decades deep. Yep, KV dared to say the quiet parts out loud. She owned her own full story. By putting it out there, she was able to dismantle the outdated narratives that tell women to believe that other people’s opinions of them are more important than their own. What will people think of me if I say or do this? She was brave enough to find out.
Kris (KV) learned through direct experience and heartbreak that being quiet, small, or good does not help anyone. Instead, embracing her sensuality, voice, and whole self as a superpower is a form of true leadership. KV operates with unapologetic honesty because when one woman steps into her truth, she gives thousands of others permission to do the same. Just existing as a whole human authentically is leadership in its purest form. It’s not about telling others how to live their lives; it’s about living your own and showing them they can do that for themselves too.
KV believes leadership truly comes from within. When we model what it looks like to own our stories, our desires, and our boundaries without apology, we’re creating a ripple effect for other women who are watching. Her work is deeply focused on helping women, mothers, creators, professionals, and anyone understand that joy, self-worth, and self-expression are not luxuries; they are essential to a full life. She shares her own raw, unfiltered journey to show that you can raise children, run a business, and stand in your power without sacrificing who you are at the core. No secrets. Nothing hidden. ‘I am who I am and that is enough’ KV
When asked about what advice she had for others creating a leadership path for themselves, KV sai,d ‘own every part of who you are’. You never know which bits of you will inspire others and can’t presume to know what others may need for their journey. Maybe your biggest most shameful secret is the key to unlocking someone else’s potential?
KV says ‘don’t dim your light to make others comfortable, and don’t wait for permission to take up space’. Power isn’t about control; it’s about authenticity, self-trust, and using your voice even when it terrifies you to do so. The world doesn’t need another “perfect” leader, it needs you, in your wholeness, showing others what’s possible when you stop hiding and start shining. Your light is unique and when you learn to cultivate it from within, others who are called can and will follow by choosing their path, not yours. That’s when you know you are a true leader.
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