Having to endure one life-altering-do-over after another has forged the courage to face whatever comes my way as I know that I have cultivated the strength of character and self-love to weather any storm that may shift its winds my way. Several years ago, I abandoned my career, divorced, and became wholeheartedly focused on my role as a mother. All those life-altering changes sent me on a self-discovery path over the next few years, which morphed into the opportunity of a lifetime to explore and define myself. My Journey I was always a dedicated student to whom academic success was extremely important. I decided to become a therapist at age 14 and never looked back, working hard toward that goal and holding tightly to the idea that a successful career was the most important achievement I could attain. I earned a Master’s in Social Work, nurturing a dream to change the world, one family at a time. I focused intently on my career, taking for granted that I would easily fall into the traditional cycle of life - find a husband and have a family. Naively, I created a plan in my head during graduate school that laid out precisely how adulthood would unfold, but by graduation, I felt behind schedule and pressured to make my current relationship official - despite signs it wasn’t the right fit. Determined to cram my life into the box I built, I got married at 28 to someone whose career became the center of our lives and forced me and my career into the back seat. As a coach’s wife, my main priority was to support his career. I still held fast to my career dreams, but whenever I began to gain traction, we had to relocate. Multiple moves meant that I couldn’t secure licensure to work as a therapist in each different state, so I eventually switched to teaching and became a professor at The University of Cincinnati. With every move, I began losing myself and focusing more on being the “coach’s wife” while my dreams drifted out of focus. Once our daughter was born, my focus turned to being a great mother and I soon lost myself in that role, too. My Turning Point Then the biggest “do-over” of all happened - divorce. I had to figure out who I was now and what I wanted the rest of my life to look like. It was clear that going back to my previous career and ideas of success no longer made sense. Life had changed me and I accepted that it was okay to reinvent myself based on my ever-changing circumstances. I now had a responsibility to think about the kind of woman I wanted to model for my daughter and to find the courage to make choices that were authentic to the best version of me. My decision to get a divorce meant giving up everything that I thought embodied success and finding a different path while finding the confidence to believe in myself again. It meant that I had to resurrect my career and decide what being a successful woman and mother would look like. I could let go of everyone else’s opinions and finally decide and define what I wanted for myself. Lessons Learned Some of the most valuable lessons I learned were:
➢ It’s never too late to start over
➢ Be fearless
➢ Let go of the need for the validation of others The most important thing I did was repair my relationship with the idea of being selfish. I had to embrace that the only way to be successful was to ensure that I was doing the best job of nurturing myself by understanding the true meaning of self-care. I immediately started therapy and medication to deal with the depression that had hampered my ability to my confidence and get back into the work world. Caring for myself became my priority. I took control of my health focusing on diet, exercise, rest, and overall mental health. I became intentional about learning to listen and trust myself. Meditation and mindfulness were a huge part of my healing process. We change when the pain of where we are becomes greater than the fear of what comes next. All of the obstacles I faced showed me that though change is scary, it doesn’t have to be painful. You get to decide how you enter new experiences because anxiety and excitement are two sides of the same coin, both born from uncertainty, but your mindset determines how you approach the unknown. The best thing you can do is flow with change because it is the one certainty in life. Surround yourself with people who empower you with accountability. Never stop making yourself the priority or let your dreams take a back seat. Know that the right partner will make room in the front seat for both of your dreams. Hold yourself accountable, always giving yourself grace and space to grow. Achieving Success I see success through the lives changed by sharing my story and guiding others through my book and coaching program. I have used every obstacle as a springboard to the next phase of my career and accomplished things I never thought I would by starting businesses and achieving my childhood dream of writing a book. Most importantly, I learned to measure my success by the lives I touch, not by the money I make or outward accolades. I plan to continue coaching women helping them uncover their uniqueness and leverage those strengths to achieve the life of their dreams. I will continue teaching the importance of wellness and balance, permitting women to define success for themselves. Reflection and Action I challenge others to re-introduce yourself to YOU. Become intimately familiar with your gifts and begin using them more intentionally and fruitfully. Compare your life with the vision you dare to dream, and then make concrete goals to be accountable to yourself to make that vision your reality. www.darlenetaylor.com
Comentarios