by Debbie Lucas
Self-worth plays an undeniable role in a woman’s ability to love herself fiercely. You cannot truly love yourself if you don’t feel worthy. It’s the foundation for accepting radical responsibility for your life. Without self-worth, every decision you make becomes about what you should do, or it’s centred around others’ needs and expectations. It’s a chicken-and-egg situation: self-worth feeds self-love, but you also need to love yourself to feel worthy.
Many women I work with struggle with this balance. They often feel unworthy of love and guilty or selfish for asking for what they need. When I ask, “What do you truly want?” they often can’t answer because they’ve spent so long prioritising others that their own needs don’t even make it onto the to-do list. They feel invisible, and the thought of standing up for themselves or expressing their desires feels daunting - impossible, even.
I’ve been there too. For me, the turning point was realising I wasn’t selfish for prioritising my dreams. This epiphany cracked open my heart, showing me what I truly wanted and allowing me to tap into joy in a way I hadn’t before. I learned to make decisions based on what feels good, even when they don’t seem logical at first. Choosing joy daily has transformed my life, and as a result, my relationships feel lighter, more authentic, and deeply fulfilling.
The Self-Worth LoopTM is a subconscious cycle where your beliefs about your worth drive your actions (or inaction), which then reinforce those same beliefs. For example, if you believe, “I’m not good enough,” you might avoid opportunities or settle for less, which only confirms that belief. This cycle traps you in self-doubt, holding you back from confidence and self-love.
Women caught in this loop often feel stuck in every area of life - emotionally, spiritually, and practically. It affects how they show up for themselves daily, keeping them in a low-vibration state where joy feels out of reach. The beautiful truth is that the opposite is also true: high self-worth fosters high-vibration actions, creating a positive, upward spiral of love and confidence.
When my clients realise they’re stuck in the Self-Worth LoopTM, it’s like a lightbulb moment. While it can be hard to accept that they’ve created their current circumstances, this realisation brings hope. They see that by making conscious decisions from a place of self-love and alignment, they can transform their lives. This shift isn’t just liberating - it’s exhilarating for them and fills them with hope.
The first step in breaking free from the Self-Worth LoopTM is identifying and shifting your limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns. These beliefs often feel safe because they’ve kept you in a comfort zone, but that zone isn’t where joy lives. To truly thrive, you have to release what no longer serves you.
I recommend tools like journaling and meditation to help reconnect with your true self. But your unconscious mind can resist change, so having a coach or trusted friend to hold space for you is invaluable. They can help you feel safe in the discomfort and unearth what truly brings you joy.
Taking aligned action requires courage because it often disrupts the status quo. People who benefited from your old patterns may resist the new, empowered you. It’s essential to remember: the ones who resist the most were likely the ones who gained the most from your self-sacrifice. Stand firm in your truth. When faced with decisions, ask yourself, “Does this bring me closer to my dreams?” Then take one small, intuitive step forward.
Rising into your transformed self means committing daily to your vision. Reset your intentions through journaling, affirmations, or meditation. Know that your vision may evolve as you grow, and that’s okay. What matters is staying present, conscious, and aligned with your joy.
Here are some practices I recommend for cultivating self-love and self-worth:
Journaling Prompt: "What would I do differently today if I fully believed I was worthy of love, success, and happiness?"
Affirmation: "I am inherently worthy of love, joy, and abundance, simply because I exist."
Daily Practice: Try the Self-Worth Mirror Check. Each morning, look into your eyes in the mirror and say something kind to yourself, like, “You are enough” or, “I’m proud of you.” Repeat it three times and notice how it feels.
For a deeper dive, my guided meditations on Insight Timer, such as the “Manifestation Meditation – Remove Limiting Beliefs,” can help you shift your mindset and tap into your true worth.
If you feel stuck, remember this: you need to move from your head into your heart. Your true self resides there, and she’s waiting for you to reconnect with her.
Loving yourself fiercely is not only possible - it’s your birthright. If you’re struggling, look for evidence of other women who’ve achieved what you desire. If they can do it, so can you. And when faced with naysayers, reframe their doubts: “It may feel impossible for you, but it’s not for me.” Their fears are reflections of their own limiting beliefs, not yours.
Take the first step today, however small, and start creating the life you deserve. The journey begins with believing that you are enough, just as you are.
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