The Stories We Tell Ourselves Matter the Most
- Feb 13
- 3 min read
By Amberley Meredith M.Sc.
13 years ago, I lost my husband in a car crash on 12-12-12, 6 weeks after we’d lost our first and only child in a miscarriage. My whole family was gone in what felt like the blink of an eye. I wondered, how I could ever work again as a psychologist when my pain was so overwhelming and debilitating. I was afraid of everything, and the grief was crushing.
Transformation, I believe, isn’t one awe-inspiring moment, but a series of realisations that, in time, help you see life has changed once again, and you too have also changed. How you talk to yourself about those realisations matters.
Gradually, by allowing the grief to be, by accepting the tears that came, and perhaps more importantly, by talking with myself—normalising and validating my feelings, encouraging small steps, motivating myself to move with exercise, giving permission for rest, connecting with friends and allowing the laughter, letting myself write, or enjoying the simple things like the colour of the sky or caring for my home—I found the story of grief wasn’t only about the pain, but also the peace that exists within grief.
In time, clients asked if I was ready to come back. I said yes, advising I wasn’t sure how it might go, and they simply said, “That’s okay, Amberley, we trust you.” That trust helped me remember who I was and see who I could be. Within two years I returned to full-time work, and from there I worked with trauma survivors. Now, I have a healthy practice, have published four books, and have the most beautiful, kind, and generous partner.
The greatest misunderstanding about “having it all” is that it has nothing to do with the outside world and everything to do with your inner landscape. “Having it all,” for me, is when the voice in your head facilitates an awareness of who you are—your strengths and how they can care for your vulnerabilities— the story you tell of trusting in the qualities you bring into the world, a gentle recognition of even small achievements and all that you’ve come through, and a reminder to take the knowledge gained from experiences to support yourself with compassion and be kind to others. Having it all is being truly glad that you are you.
When COVID hit, I recognised that many of people’s usual coping mechanisms were about to be removed—distractions, relationships, and the loss of freedom and choice. The space left could allow unresolved issues, whether people were aware of them or not, to surface. What I’d learnt from my own experiences was your story helps to heal when it is founded in self-compassion, self-knowledge, and encourages small actions and this can gradually lead toward long-term emotional resilience.
This is where The Adaptable Sustainable Psychology Collection came from: a series of four interactive self-help books to guide and inspire people through their own realisations and help them move towards a state of transformation.
To keep moving forward and cope well with challenges, have a flexible mindset that flows with changes, and use coping mechanisms that don’t cause harm now or later, we need to know ourselves well from an honest and non-judgemental perspective. The books are designed to guide and support self-exploration, self-reflection, and self-examination of what is working and what is not—not just for you, but also for those around you.
Unstoppable is the story that tells you: I can cope no matter what, I can care for myself, I can ask for help, and I can choose to make the best of any situation.
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